you know, i just tossed a bag of garbage that's been hanging from my wall for weeks and there was literally nothing in it but empty bags of doritos, and a few other random wrappers. so, basically the only garbage i'm producing is from eating doritos.
i'm therefore going to stop eating doritos.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
RE: Nice to hear from you.
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle
well, the reasoning behind going to windsor is that the rent is cheap. i was having difficulty finding even a bachelor in ottawa for less than $800, although like any other market there's not always a lot of logic put into the prices. one week, there'd be something decent for $750, the next week the best thing would be a closet for $900. i'm not exaggerating. a few of the places i checked out were just absurd. there was a one room basement apartment on cooper for $850 that had two items in it: a fridge and a bed. but, you couldn't open the fridge because the bed was literally lodged between the front door and the fridge. other places would literally convert walk-in closets into bedrooms, then price the place as having an extra bedroom. the few places i was able to find that i thought i could stay in basically told me my income was too low (which is bullshit, but who wants to go to court over that?). i didn't really want to move, but the absurdity of the market in ottawa led me to giving up on being able to stay there.
i talked to a couple of people about it. i mean, i had to ask - "do you really think you're going to get what you're asking for this?". they explained it by the high student population in ottawa. algonquin's the same size as a university, now, and there's another college out in orleans that keeps growing. the general perception is that they can keep the cost of rent at absurd levels because some kid's parents will pay it to send them away, and that it's as much about getting rid of the kid as it is anything else. it's as good an explanation as i can come up with, although i think it would help if the city would force people that own abandoned property to develop (and there's a lot of it, like the old sears building on rideau, for example).
i don't know if you realize it, but ottawa is actually the most expensive place to live in ontario. most people would think toronto. and if you work out the average price, toronto would be higher. but ottawa doesn't have the low rent areas that toronto does. even vanier is being gentrified. i was actually strongly considering toronto, but i didn't want to make any snap decisions that would land me in a bad neighbourhood. i was really dissuaded from the idea by an experience i had hitching down to windsor. a trucker let me off the 401 at jane street, and i got picked up by somebody that thought i was a prostitute. i mean, ten minutes in the area and that happens - i think i'll avoid that city, thanks.
i was lucky enough to have some nice basements to live in growing up, and where i've moved is as nice as any of them. it's a very large two bedroom for $650. so, i've got a studio in one bedroom with my gear in it. i've got a den separated from the big living room that's big enough for a couch to smoke on. the kitchen could seat ten people. this place would probably be pushing $1500 in ottawa. it's that stark a difference. it comes with some down sides. last month, a house about five doors down got showered with gun fire and invaded and ended with somebody getting shot in the forehead. they're saying it was drug related and nothing to be concerned about. i'm willing to believe that, but it's not really something you want to be near.
overall, the area is sort of like chinatown in ottawa - specifically the strip south of somerset between preston and bronson. i'm a block from the italian district, and a block from the arabic district. which means i've been eating a lot of deli meat and a lot of hummus.
the landlord is also pretty good. it's a dude, rather than a company, which is probably a key factor in not needing any kind of co-sign. he's a middle age guy that spent most of his life as an electrician and inherited a chunk of money from a cement business. he bought this place so that his slightly autistic brother would have a stable place to live. he's renting out the other three units simply to pay down property taxes. it's not about making money for him, it's just about his brother. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases because odsp doesn't go up very often. so, i'm getting $1080 from odsp and paying down $650 for rent. given that i don't eat that much, and i don't have any other major expenses, i'm actually quite comfortable right now. so long as that stays steady, i should be good here pretty much forever.
nor is this area gentrifying. the commercial district is mostly boarded up. it's sort of surreal to walk down "main street" and encounter closed shops and boarded up windows. factories are still closing fairly regularly, putting more and more people out of work. people are continuing to leave, and there seems to be no end to that trend in sight.
so, you can imagine that the city is sort of dead. but, i don't really like to go out much or spend time with people, anyways. i'm extremely introverted, so the isolation has played into that in ways that are actually positive for me. pretty much the only thing i'll ever go out to is concerts. windsor? well, i've hit a few punk shows. but, windsor is a suburb of detroit, and everybody plays detroit (or, increasingly, a suburb of detroit). i haven't been across yet because the paperwork to get across the border nowadays is a headache. for example, i need to get a phone before they'll give me a card. i'm hoping to deal with that soon so i can go over and see some shows there.
overall, i'm happy with this. i think it was a good decision that's going to keep me stable for quite some time.
j
To: the surviving uncle
well, the reasoning behind going to windsor is that the rent is cheap. i was having difficulty finding even a bachelor in ottawa for less than $800, although like any other market there's not always a lot of logic put into the prices. one week, there'd be something decent for $750, the next week the best thing would be a closet for $900. i'm not exaggerating. a few of the places i checked out were just absurd. there was a one room basement apartment on cooper for $850 that had two items in it: a fridge and a bed. but, you couldn't open the fridge because the bed was literally lodged between the front door and the fridge. other places would literally convert walk-in closets into bedrooms, then price the place as having an extra bedroom. the few places i was able to find that i thought i could stay in basically told me my income was too low (which is bullshit, but who wants to go to court over that?). i didn't really want to move, but the absurdity of the market in ottawa led me to giving up on being able to stay there.
i talked to a couple of people about it. i mean, i had to ask - "do you really think you're going to get what you're asking for this?". they explained it by the high student population in ottawa. algonquin's the same size as a university, now, and there's another college out in orleans that keeps growing. the general perception is that they can keep the cost of rent at absurd levels because some kid's parents will pay it to send them away, and that it's as much about getting rid of the kid as it is anything else. it's as good an explanation as i can come up with, although i think it would help if the city would force people that own abandoned property to develop (and there's a lot of it, like the old sears building on rideau, for example).
i don't know if you realize it, but ottawa is actually the most expensive place to live in ontario. most people would think toronto. and if you work out the average price, toronto would be higher. but ottawa doesn't have the low rent areas that toronto does. even vanier is being gentrified. i was actually strongly considering toronto, but i didn't want to make any snap decisions that would land me in a bad neighbourhood. i was really dissuaded from the idea by an experience i had hitching down to windsor. a trucker let me off the 401 at jane street, and i got picked up by somebody that thought i was a prostitute. i mean, ten minutes in the area and that happens - i think i'll avoid that city, thanks.
i was lucky enough to have some nice basements to live in growing up, and where i've moved is as nice as any of them. it's a very large two bedroom for $650. so, i've got a studio in one bedroom with my gear in it. i've got a den separated from the big living room that's big enough for a couch to smoke on. the kitchen could seat ten people. this place would probably be pushing $1500 in ottawa. it's that stark a difference. it comes with some down sides. last month, a house about five doors down got showered with gun fire and invaded and ended with somebody getting shot in the forehead. they're saying it was drug related and nothing to be concerned about. i'm willing to believe that, but it's not really something you want to be near.
overall, the area is sort of like chinatown in ottawa - specifically the strip south of somerset between preston and bronson. i'm a block from the italian district, and a block from the arabic district. which means i've been eating a lot of deli meat and a lot of hummus.
the landlord is also pretty good. it's a dude, rather than a company, which is probably a key factor in not needing any kind of co-sign. he's a middle age guy that spent most of his life as an electrician and inherited a chunk of money from a cement business. he bought this place so that his slightly autistic brother would have a stable place to live. he's renting out the other three units simply to pay down property taxes. it's not about making money for him, it's just about his brother. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases because odsp doesn't go up very often. so, i'm getting $1080 from odsp and paying down $650 for rent. given that i don't eat that much, and i don't have any other major expenses, i'm actually quite comfortable right now. so long as that stays steady, i should be good here pretty much forever.
nor is this area gentrifying. the commercial district is mostly boarded up. it's sort of surreal to walk down "main street" and encounter closed shops and boarded up windows. factories are still closing fairly regularly, putting more and more people out of work. people are continuing to leave, and there seems to be no end to that trend in sight.
so, you can imagine that the city is sort of dead. but, i don't really like to go out much or spend time with people, anyways. i'm extremely introverted, so the isolation has played into that in ways that are actually positive for me. pretty much the only thing i'll ever go out to is concerts. windsor? well, i've hit a few punk shows. but, windsor is a suburb of detroit, and everybody plays detroit (or, increasingly, a suburb of detroit). i haven't been across yet because the paperwork to get across the border nowadays is a headache. for example, i need to get a phone before they'll give me a card. i'm hoping to deal with that soon so i can go over and see some shows there.
overall, i'm happy with this. i think it was a good decision that's going to keep me stable for quite some time.
j
getting some fresh air at a basement punk show
i've found there are very few legitimate constants in life that transcend time and circumstance, but, for me, one absolute certainty is that, wherever i go, and whatever type of people happen to be there, and however it happens to be managed, i tend to get compliments about my hair.
it's nothing, really. i blacked it months ago. i blonded it months before that. i reded it still months before that. and blonded it still further months previously. now, i haven't touched it in a little over a year. so it's just grown in to have blond highlights at the end, and a few different shades scattered in. nothing managed - if anything it's sort of dilapidated.
we will all consider the idea of dilapidated hair now and if it really makes any sense.
regardless, tonight somebody liked my hair. thanks. i guess. i was out to see a couple of concerts....
there's two themes for the evening. the first is the fact that windsor also has a dom. not just a dom, but a punk/metal dom. two examples are not enough to build a general theory, but i do wonder how many other cities have punk/metal doms. of course, i had to compare...
it's a little more up kept, but not by much. pool tables. the difference is really that the stage of this dom is downstairs, which gives it a basement show feel more than a bar show feel.
there's even a staircase you don't want to walk down at all, let alone after a few drinks - except it's worse, because it's outside and iced over.
it was freezing in there, and that's theme number two. it seems to have literally been not heated. i wasn't dressed for it.
see, this is where my subconscious dom expectation was no doubt a serious impediment. -10 is manageable in a sweater, if it means walking to the bus stop and back in between hours of warmth. in my mind, i thought "well, the heat is always on in the dom - when i get there i'll put the sweater around my waist". not this dom.
it's not a fashion thing. i'm there to hear the music, i don't care about that nonsense. it's just that carrying around a jacket at a concert is annoying. it makes holding a beer difficult, and it makes taking part in any audience participation impossible. i'd rather go in a sweater if i can.
-10 is admittedly the extreme point. -15 is not sweaterable.
unfortunately, the issue compounded itself. i could have easily handled a ten minute wait for the bus if i'd been inside for two hours, but i was actually getting seriously worried for a minute because i'd been shivering for several hours.
obviously, i'm ok, i'm not naked in a snow bank complaining about the heat (more like wrapped up in a blanket and still shivering a bit) but it was kind of scary.
anyways...
narcolepsy. two drinks over three hours will not render one drunk, but it'd been a while since i'd slept and the eyelids tend to overpower. i've stopped fighting them, under the agreement that they don't enforce an arbitrary 24 hour schedule on me.
one more thing before i finish this: the historic strength of punk rock (as a type of music, rather than an attitude) is that it gets your adrenaline moving. that's how you know you're doing it right. it's the characteristic that defines punk as a type of sound. it's the reason people throw themselves around everywhere. it's the reason green day and mcr and ... aren't punk. adrenaline. on the other hand, metal seems to focus more on testosterone. that's the chemical reaction they're really going for (and, yes, women can feel testosterone). there's overlaps and levels of mixtures and points where people get confused and other things. but a punk experience need not include any testosterone at all, so long as the adrenaline is high - and there has always and always will be (for as long as punk exists) a subset of the audience that is interested 100% solely in adrenaline, which happens to be the subset of the audience i'm in. i'm not interested in punk with testosterone, or exploring testosterone in music in general.
ok, that's enough rambling.
keep getting distracted, lol. ok.
so, the first full set i caught was this band called minors and it was better than i expected. it's local. the core of the sound was pretty generic, but they mixed it up with some ambient, droney type stuff - as is the fashion as of right now, i suppose - and also with some spastic punkish stuff. it's nothing particularly novel, but it's a little bit more eccentric than the average basement punk band.
white ribs is the band i went to see. the record is a pretty creative mix of lightning bolt with hipster hardcore and no wave. that sounds off the wall, but i'm playing it up a bit. they're clearly trying to look like lightning bolt, down to the masks, but they can't play like lightning bolt - and seem more interested in being weird.
the show was a little flat. it lacked the valleys of the record, and the audience didn't get it. small town. *shrug*.
the record they have up on bandcamp is interesting though, and i'd check it out if you like weird experimental loud shit.
bird death was spastic and incoherent, but it's the point. it's fun in small bursts, but i wouldn't go out of my way for it.
unfortunately, the bassist broke a string and the singer made an ass of himself while he was fixing it, but i was kind of more paying attention to the lumberjack that had been bugging me all night and was now going on about where to get meth. self-preservation was more important than paying attention to the singer being a douche.
anyways, there's nothing special here, but it does what it does competently.
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2014/01/29.html
it's nothing, really. i blacked it months ago. i blonded it months before that. i reded it still months before that. and blonded it still further months previously. now, i haven't touched it in a little over a year. so it's just grown in to have blond highlights at the end, and a few different shades scattered in. nothing managed - if anything it's sort of dilapidated.
we will all consider the idea of dilapidated hair now and if it really makes any sense.
regardless, tonight somebody liked my hair. thanks. i guess. i was out to see a couple of concerts....
there's two themes for the evening. the first is the fact that windsor also has a dom. not just a dom, but a punk/metal dom. two examples are not enough to build a general theory, but i do wonder how many other cities have punk/metal doms. of course, i had to compare...
it's a little more up kept, but not by much. pool tables. the difference is really that the stage of this dom is downstairs, which gives it a basement show feel more than a bar show feel.
there's even a staircase you don't want to walk down at all, let alone after a few drinks - except it's worse, because it's outside and iced over.
it was freezing in there, and that's theme number two. it seems to have literally been not heated. i wasn't dressed for it.
see, this is where my subconscious dom expectation was no doubt a serious impediment. -10 is manageable in a sweater, if it means walking to the bus stop and back in between hours of warmth. in my mind, i thought "well, the heat is always on in the dom - when i get there i'll put the sweater around my waist". not this dom.
it's not a fashion thing. i'm there to hear the music, i don't care about that nonsense. it's just that carrying around a jacket at a concert is annoying. it makes holding a beer difficult, and it makes taking part in any audience participation impossible. i'd rather go in a sweater if i can.
-10 is admittedly the extreme point. -15 is not sweaterable.
unfortunately, the issue compounded itself. i could have easily handled a ten minute wait for the bus if i'd been inside for two hours, but i was actually getting seriously worried for a minute because i'd been shivering for several hours.
obviously, i'm ok, i'm not naked in a snow bank complaining about the heat (more like wrapped up in a blanket and still shivering a bit) but it was kind of scary.
anyways...
narcolepsy. two drinks over three hours will not render one drunk, but it'd been a while since i'd slept and the eyelids tend to overpower. i've stopped fighting them, under the agreement that they don't enforce an arbitrary 24 hour schedule on me.
one more thing before i finish this: the historic strength of punk rock (as a type of music, rather than an attitude) is that it gets your adrenaline moving. that's how you know you're doing it right. it's the characteristic that defines punk as a type of sound. it's the reason people throw themselves around everywhere. it's the reason green day and mcr and ... aren't punk. adrenaline. on the other hand, metal seems to focus more on testosterone. that's the chemical reaction they're really going for (and, yes, women can feel testosterone). there's overlaps and levels of mixtures and points where people get confused and other things. but a punk experience need not include any testosterone at all, so long as the adrenaline is high - and there has always and always will be (for as long as punk exists) a subset of the audience that is interested 100% solely in adrenaline, which happens to be the subset of the audience i'm in. i'm not interested in punk with testosterone, or exploring testosterone in music in general.
ok, that's enough rambling.
keep getting distracted, lol. ok.
so, the first full set i caught was this band called minors and it was better than i expected. it's local. the core of the sound was pretty generic, but they mixed it up with some ambient, droney type stuff - as is the fashion as of right now, i suppose - and also with some spastic punkish stuff. it's nothing particularly novel, but it's a little bit more eccentric than the average basement punk band.
white ribs is the band i went to see. the record is a pretty creative mix of lightning bolt with hipster hardcore and no wave. that sounds off the wall, but i'm playing it up a bit. they're clearly trying to look like lightning bolt, down to the masks, but they can't play like lightning bolt - and seem more interested in being weird.
the show was a little flat. it lacked the valleys of the record, and the audience didn't get it. small town. *shrug*.
the record they have up on bandcamp is interesting though, and i'd check it out if you like weird experimental loud shit.
bird death was spastic and incoherent, but it's the point. it's fun in small bursts, but i wouldn't go out of my way for it.
unfortunately, the bassist broke a string and the singer made an ass of himself while he was fixing it, but i was kind of more paying attention to the lumberjack that had been bugging me all night and was now going on about where to get meth. self-preservation was more important than paying attention to the singer being a douche.
anyways, there's nothing special here, but it does what it does competently.
http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2014/01/29.html
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
i'm just wondering why they're bothering to build the centralized systems at all. when was the last time you got anything in the mail that wasn't from a company that's stuck in the twentieth century in their refusal to move online? face it - the mail service is obsolete. all anybody gets is junk mail, which is a strain on the environment. there's absolutely no reason to have a mail system at all....they're really long overdue in abolishing it...so why are they building these pointless community mailboxes instead of just shutting it down altogether?
http://www.blogto.com/city/2013/12/canada_post_to_phase_out_urban_mail_delivery/
i'm not one to whine and complain about tax dollars, and when i do i tend to direct it towards the military, but a public service that pays people to drop off fast food flyers and used car advertisements is just about the most idiotic use of public funds i can imagine.
if we want to start thinking about juggling money around, maybe we can take some of the money we save from shutting down the post service to upgrade the cable lines and/or create a universal internet program.
i'm sorry. i don't have a conservative bone in my body. destruction is positive, because it is necessary to rebuild. everything is burned down in the end. so, let us fight to tear down the past and build up the future, not to uphold the obsolete status quo.
and, if you're curious, i'll repeat myself: the only way that we will ever seize control of production is if the unemployed reach a point of critical mass. mechanization and modernization are consequently doubly positive, in that they simultaneously reduce the amount of work necessary for society to accomplish and increase the number of revolutionaries (aka unemployed people) to pave the way for technological communism.
so, keep the layoffs coming. let's get the unemployment rate rising. it's good news for freedom.
http://www.blogto.com/city/2013/12/canada_post_to_phase_out_urban_mail_delivery/
i'm not one to whine and complain about tax dollars, and when i do i tend to direct it towards the military, but a public service that pays people to drop off fast food flyers and used car advertisements is just about the most idiotic use of public funds i can imagine.
if we want to start thinking about juggling money around, maybe we can take some of the money we save from shutting down the post service to upgrade the cable lines and/or create a universal internet program.
i'm sorry. i don't have a conservative bone in my body. destruction is positive, because it is necessary to rebuild. everything is burned down in the end. so, let us fight to tear down the past and build up the future, not to uphold the obsolete status quo.
and, if you're curious, i'll repeat myself: the only way that we will ever seize control of production is if the unemployed reach a point of critical mass. mechanization and modernization are consequently doubly positive, in that they simultaneously reduce the amount of work necessary for society to accomplish and increase the number of revolutionaries (aka unemployed people) to pave the way for technological communism.
so, keep the layoffs coming. let's get the unemployment rate rising. it's good news for freedom.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
i'm a little neurotic about checking the weather. well, i walk everywhere, so i like to plan around a warmer day. for example, i did some groceries today because they were forecasting it was going to be around -8 today, and -15 all week (it was cold all last week, so i'd been planning on it).
well, sort of. a few days ago they said it was going to be cold saturday and warm sunday. then they switched it, saying it was going to be around -3 today. then, last night, they switched it to -15 today and -24 tomorrow. this morning they said it would be -8. so i said that's good enough. but it seemed warmer - sure enough it hit a high of -3 around noon (it's now -7). this is all the same forecaster.
sounds awful. they can't even get it right an hour in advance which is firmly in completely useless territory. but it's the wind. the wind we've been getting this year simply doesn't blow through here like this. i was saying something about that a while back. -40 wind chills overnight are really unheard of in this city. yet, they've become the norm this month. and it's clearly just confusing the fuck out of the weather people.
so, it's sort of fun to watch and laugh.
they've changed the long range this week at least three times over the last ten hours, and major changes, too. a few hours ago, the forecast for tomorrow was a high of -24. then -16. now -6. it'll no doubt be different in a few hours. all because they've never seen this kind of wind here before...
...which is humbling. we think of the weather and climate as something that has to do with clouds, jetstreams and greenhouse gasses and cycles itself around familiar orbits that the earth has in relation to the sun - around approximately every 365 days, and on it's axis over ~ 24 hours. sun goes up, temp goes up; sun goes down, temp goes down. on a functional level, grover could explain this: near - HOT, far - COLD.
sometimes, though, the wind will completely abolish all of that soundness, sense and logic. temperatures will drop ten or twenty degrees as the sun is rising, then bounce back by 15 overnight when the sun is down, making a complete mockery of the expected order of things.
there's some thought that solar processes have an effect on the wind patterns that develop at the north pole (only the north due to the earth's tilt, but think of it like introducing energy (here, entropy) into the system), meaning it hasn't really lost control, just the illusion of it. but that requires some calculations to understand that reach well beyond the intuitive ordering that it totally shatters.
so, here's to the wind, and it's ability to pulverize normalcy into incoherency.
well, sort of. a few days ago they said it was going to be cold saturday and warm sunday. then they switched it, saying it was going to be around -3 today. then, last night, they switched it to -15 today and -24 tomorrow. this morning they said it would be -8. so i said that's good enough. but it seemed warmer - sure enough it hit a high of -3 around noon (it's now -7). this is all the same forecaster.
sounds awful. they can't even get it right an hour in advance which is firmly in completely useless territory. but it's the wind. the wind we've been getting this year simply doesn't blow through here like this. i was saying something about that a while back. -40 wind chills overnight are really unheard of in this city. yet, they've become the norm this month. and it's clearly just confusing the fuck out of the weather people.
so, it's sort of fun to watch and laugh.
they've changed the long range this week at least three times over the last ten hours, and major changes, too. a few hours ago, the forecast for tomorrow was a high of -24. then -16. now -6. it'll no doubt be different in a few hours. all because they've never seen this kind of wind here before...
...which is humbling. we think of the weather and climate as something that has to do with clouds, jetstreams and greenhouse gasses and cycles itself around familiar orbits that the earth has in relation to the sun - around approximately every 365 days, and on it's axis over ~ 24 hours. sun goes up, temp goes up; sun goes down, temp goes down. on a functional level, grover could explain this: near - HOT, far - COLD.
sometimes, though, the wind will completely abolish all of that soundness, sense and logic. temperatures will drop ten or twenty degrees as the sun is rising, then bounce back by 15 overnight when the sun is down, making a complete mockery of the expected order of things.
there's some thought that solar processes have an effect on the wind patterns that develop at the north pole (only the north due to the earth's tilt, but think of it like introducing energy (here, entropy) into the system), meaning it hasn't really lost control, just the illusion of it. but that requires some calculations to understand that reach well beyond the intuitive ordering that it totally shatters.
so, here's to the wind, and it's ability to pulverize normalcy into incoherency.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
i'm sorry, but when i see waves of people standing up for personalized mail delivery, i interpret it as a lot of people that are fighting to uphold the status quo because they lack the vision to see beyond it and because they're used to the convenience it provides, at the expense of the freedom of workers.
you really can't get your own mail? you really require enslaving somebody to bring you your letters?
and your spam?
do you tip them when they arrive?
"it provides jobs!". ugh.
first, people that are arguing that obsolete industries should be maintained because they provide jobs are completely missing the entire point of socialism. there's no path to communism in maintaining humans in wage slavery jobs that can be done by machines or distributed equally across the population. that's some kind of wonky capitalist keynesianism designed to uphold the propertied classes, or something. communism is centered in the idea that monotonous, crappy work should be abolished either by mechanization or by distributing it equally amongst everybody.
second, what to say of these workers? "no, please, don't emancipate me from slavery!"...."as workers, we must unite to ensure our continued exploitation!". ugh. it would make me depressed if it didn't enrage me.
when you take a step back and see it from a distance, you realize it's reactionary. it's a conservative knee-jerking to uphold existing social relations. if i were to show up at the rallies, it would only be to ironically distribute pamphlets written by edmund burke. or perhaps jonathan swift...
you really can't get your own mail? you really require enslaving somebody to bring you your letters?
and your spam?
do you tip them when they arrive?
"it provides jobs!". ugh.
first, people that are arguing that obsolete industries should be maintained because they provide jobs are completely missing the entire point of socialism. there's no path to communism in maintaining humans in wage slavery jobs that can be done by machines or distributed equally across the population. that's some kind of wonky capitalist keynesianism designed to uphold the propertied classes, or something. communism is centered in the idea that monotonous, crappy work should be abolished either by mechanization or by distributing it equally amongst everybody.
second, what to say of these workers? "no, please, don't emancipate me from slavery!"...."as workers, we must unite to ensure our continued exploitation!". ugh. it would make me depressed if it didn't enrage me.
when you take a step back and see it from a distance, you realize it's reactionary. it's a conservative knee-jerking to uphold existing social relations. if i were to show up at the rallies, it would only be to ironically distribute pamphlets written by edmund burke. or perhaps jonathan swift...
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
"In 1956 the American Medical Association voted to define alcoholism as a medically treatable disease so that such treatment by physicians would become eligible for payment from third parties (insurance companies). The decision was not made on the basis of any analysis of the scientific evidence -- it was made on self-serving economic grounds."
https://www.alcoholproblemsandsolutions.org/is-alcoholism-a-disease-heres-the-evidence-and-logic/
https://www.alcoholproblemsandsolutions.org/is-alcoholism-a-disease-heres-the-evidence-and-logic/
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Re: windsor
From: Jessica Murray [mailto:dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com]
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i wasn't checking this address at all after i moved in. i think i needed some space. so, i was sort of ignoring the channel of communication, but not anybody specifically. i'm using my other address (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) more frequently.
it's been sort of mixed over the last few months. the first little bit was difficult, but i had a lot of things to keep my mind focused on. i had to get the shower replaced, for example. the landlord did that.
he's pretty good, considering it's a divey place in windsor. he inherited a big chunk of money from his family's concrete business as well as responsibility over his slightly autistic brother and more autistic niece. they live upstairs. he's got three other units in the place rented out to cover costs, which basically means property taxes. so, i lucked out in finding a landlord that's not really interested in maximizing profit on the unit. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases, for example. that makes the living arrangement very stable, so long as i can continue to find a reasonable source of income. this is a huge two-bedroom basement apartment that is roughly similar in size and layout to the entire basement on arnot (knock the wall behind the tv down, put a kitchen in the back room and separate out the two bedrooms and it's virtually identical) for $650.
at the moment, i think i'm fairly content. i've been focusing a lot on music and reading - the things i really care about. i don't know anybody here, but i'm introverted enough that i'm not all that concerned about it.
regarding the city itself, it's sort of weird. i'm used to having everything located downtown and didn't think that there might be a city that's arranged the other way around. in windsor, everything is in the suburbs. so, if i want to get to a store to get anything that's not groceries, i need to take a bus ride. what used to be the main street through the italian district (i'm just north of little italy and just south of a mostly arabic district) is now mostly boarded up. you can really see the effects of the urban decay. the downtown core is mostly dilapidated buildings that are decades beyond the point of repair and would be torn down if the property they're on was worth anything and instead are a mix of dying businesses and low-rent apartments. there are little pockets of upkept buildings, but the reality is that the city would actually benefit massively from a huge fire.
i'm kind of more interested in the music scene in detroit than i am in windsor in any way. i haven't bothered getting a phone yet, which has made it impossible for me to get across the border. first i have to get a phone number (and i'll probably finally get a pay-as-you-go internet phone in the next few weeks), then i have to get a nexus card. i can't get a passport because i'd need a ridiculous 6 references. the nexus card is for "low risk travelers". but they won't just let you across for the day with a birth certificate like they used to, and like i sort of assumed they would. so i can't really say how much i like the city yet because i don't feel i've really experienced it. i made it out to a punk show in october, but windsor isn't the destination that most of the bands coming through here that i'm interested in are going to pick (although the casino here will sometimes outbid detroit for moderately large acts that don't want to enter downtown detroit).
regarding the safety of detroit? i don't know yet. i've read some things that suggest that there are areas to avoid but, overall, it's not any worse than any other major city - so long as you avoid those areas. i can't think i look like much of a target. and most of the destinations i have circled require going through the core on a bus. so i get the impression it'll probably be fine. i guess i'll find out, though.
i think i'm legitimately happy, here, though. the whole arrangement plays into my introversion and is maximizing my ability to be creative.
j
To: stepmother's email address
hi.
i wasn't checking this address at all after i moved in. i think i needed some space. so, i was sort of ignoring the channel of communication, but not anybody specifically. i'm using my other address (death.to.koalas@gmail.com) more frequently.
it's been sort of mixed over the last few months. the first little bit was difficult, but i had a lot of things to keep my mind focused on. i had to get the shower replaced, for example. the landlord did that.
he's pretty good, considering it's a divey place in windsor. he inherited a big chunk of money from his family's concrete business as well as responsibility over his slightly autistic brother and more autistic niece. they live upstairs. he's got three other units in the place rented out to cover costs, which basically means property taxes. so, i lucked out in finding a landlord that's not really interested in maximizing profit on the unit. one of the things we agreed upon is no rent increases, for example. that makes the living arrangement very stable, so long as i can continue to find a reasonable source of income. this is a huge two-bedroom basement apartment that is roughly similar in size and layout to the entire basement on arnot (knock the wall behind the tv down, put a kitchen in the back room and separate out the two bedrooms and it's virtually identical) for $650.
at the moment, i think i'm fairly content. i've been focusing a lot on music and reading - the things i really care about. i don't know anybody here, but i'm introverted enough that i'm not all that concerned about it.
regarding the city itself, it's sort of weird. i'm used to having everything located downtown and didn't think that there might be a city that's arranged the other way around. in windsor, everything is in the suburbs. so, if i want to get to a store to get anything that's not groceries, i need to take a bus ride. what used to be the main street through the italian district (i'm just north of little italy and just south of a mostly arabic district) is now mostly boarded up. you can really see the effects of the urban decay. the downtown core is mostly dilapidated buildings that are decades beyond the point of repair and would be torn down if the property they're on was worth anything and instead are a mix of dying businesses and low-rent apartments. there are little pockets of upkept buildings, but the reality is that the city would actually benefit massively from a huge fire.
i'm kind of more interested in the music scene in detroit than i am in windsor in any way. i haven't bothered getting a phone yet, which has made it impossible for me to get across the border. first i have to get a phone number (and i'll probably finally get a pay-as-you-go internet phone in the next few weeks), then i have to get a nexus card. i can't get a passport because i'd need a ridiculous 6 references. the nexus card is for "low risk travelers". but they won't just let you across for the day with a birth certificate like they used to, and like i sort of assumed they would. so i can't really say how much i like the city yet because i don't feel i've really experienced it. i made it out to a punk show in october, but windsor isn't the destination that most of the bands coming through here that i'm interested in are going to pick (although the casino here will sometimes outbid detroit for moderately large acts that don't want to enter downtown detroit).
regarding the safety of detroit? i don't know yet. i've read some things that suggest that there are areas to avoid but, overall, it's not any worse than any other major city - so long as you avoid those areas. i can't think i look like much of a target. and most of the destinations i have circled require going through the core on a bus. so i get the impression it'll probably be fine. i guess i'll find out, though.
i think i'm legitimately happy, here, though. the whole arrangement plays into my introversion and is maximizing my ability to be creative.
j
Friday, January 17, 2014
that was an unscheduled break. i feel i needed it, though. head is now cleared, time to get back to it.
i have a bit of quality control listening to do in finishing up the deny everything period. i may have to slightly modify a few files. nothing substantial, but i may have accidentally uploaded some corrupt files. not sure yet (it might be something i've never noticed in the track). i should be on to the guitarland within hours and finished that by the weekend at the latest.
there's two major projects left to complete before i get back into the recording phase. one is a noise project that comes together through various sources, while the other is an indie rock project i did with an old friend of mine. these should be quick ups.
once those get up, i'm thrown into a hybrid trivial group / tetris period that is neither complete nor well organized. it will mostly be straight ups pushing into about '05. at that point, my first priority is likely going to be to complete my sixth symphony.
so, here i go, entering the end of the transition...
i have a bit of quality control listening to do in finishing up the deny everything period. i may have to slightly modify a few files. nothing substantial, but i may have accidentally uploaded some corrupt files. not sure yet (it might be something i've never noticed in the track). i should be on to the guitarland within hours and finished that by the weekend at the latest.
there's two major projects left to complete before i get back into the recording phase. one is a noise project that comes together through various sources, while the other is an indie rock project i did with an old friend of mine. these should be quick ups.
once those get up, i'm thrown into a hybrid trivial group / tetris period that is neither complete nor well organized. it will mostly be straight ups pushing into about '05. at that point, my first priority is likely going to be to complete my sixth symphony.
so, here i go, entering the end of the transition...
it seems like the guy upstairs has moved to the third floor. which has some short-term benefits. i think i'm now free to make smoothies between 11:00 PM and 8:00 AM. not that i wasn't before, but it's common courtesy to keep that kind of noise down. generally speaking, the larger noise buffer is sort of relieving.
nobody has said anything to me about noise, and i don't think that was the cause for the move. rather, i think the recent cold snap produced an evacuation.
personally, i saw it coming and prepared by cranking the heat a few days in advance. when the wind was blowing around out there near -50, the thermostat in my room was a hair under 24 degrees celsius; it was admittedly not able to hold itself there, and the temperature on the thermostat doesn't actually reflect the temperature in the room (which was more like 18 or 19) but the apartment was comfortable.
i realize, though, that it could have been very uncomfortable down here if i just let it sit at 20, oblivious to what was happening outside. i suspect that's why the guy upstairs retreated to safer ground.
which would be fine.
....'cept that the heat seems to now be off, altogether, upstairs. i'm a little worried, but at the same time the mild breeze is actually sort of refreshing. in addition to that meaning i'm going to have to boost my heat a bit, which is a mild adjustment if an adjustment ever was mild, i'm not entirely sure the plan was thought out; part of the reason it's hottest upstairs is that it's being heated by the two levels below it!
so, the end result is we both end up turning the heat up higher and neither is as warm as we were before. i can live through that, but i'm wondering just how bad an idea it is to let the wood floors freeze...
anyways, i think it'll be fine. my guess is that the heat comes back on up there in a day or two when the temperature falls. if not, i'll have to explain the situation, and i'm sure it'll get turned back on. really, i'm just becoming more and more intrigued by my landlord's family....
nobody has said anything to me about noise, and i don't think that was the cause for the move. rather, i think the recent cold snap produced an evacuation.
personally, i saw it coming and prepared by cranking the heat a few days in advance. when the wind was blowing around out there near -50, the thermostat in my room was a hair under 24 degrees celsius; it was admittedly not able to hold itself there, and the temperature on the thermostat doesn't actually reflect the temperature in the room (which was more like 18 or 19) but the apartment was comfortable.
i realize, though, that it could have been very uncomfortable down here if i just let it sit at 20, oblivious to what was happening outside. i suspect that's why the guy upstairs retreated to safer ground.
which would be fine.
....'cept that the heat seems to now be off, altogether, upstairs. i'm a little worried, but at the same time the mild breeze is actually sort of refreshing. in addition to that meaning i'm going to have to boost my heat a bit, which is a mild adjustment if an adjustment ever was mild, i'm not entirely sure the plan was thought out; part of the reason it's hottest upstairs is that it's being heated by the two levels below it!
so, the end result is we both end up turning the heat up higher and neither is as warm as we were before. i can live through that, but i'm wondering just how bad an idea it is to let the wood floors freeze...
anyways, i think it'll be fine. my guess is that the heat comes back on up there in a day or two when the temperature falls. if not, i'll have to explain the situation, and i'm sure it'll get turned back on. really, i'm just becoming more and more intrigued by my landlord's family....
Thursday, January 16, 2014
it doesn't seem to matter what i do, that crushing feeling of emptiness is periodically inevitable. it's tied into realizing that the meaning i've temporarily tricked myself into creating is entirely constructed. and, getting out of it for another few days is a process that requires fooling myself once again. sometimes, i look back and actually cry about how trivial my motivations are. but they're the only motivations i have...
i don't need drugs. i'm not malfunctioning. i've come to a series of careful, reasoned conclusions and if you allow me the space to lay my arguments out i could very well convince the cheeriest people alive of these empty feelings that they seem to be oblivious to. to me, that's the head-scratching part of it. i really don't understand how so many people can be so happy - or bother pretending they're so happy - in the face of so much pointlessness. i don't want to understand this, either, as i feel it would necessarily require destroying a substantial number of brain cells.
i should have killed myself a long time ago, but i can't even really work up the nerve of even that. what's the point of suicide? i mean, these fleeting moments of contrived happiness, as well as these constant trials with myself, are surely more valuable than nothing at all? i'm most content when i ignore purpose and just exist. but i just can't come to terms with that in more than isolated stretches. i'm just constantly overwhelmed.
right now i'm mad at myself for it. i'm usually not. but right now i know i have to take advantage of this small period of freedom before it disappears. i can't be depressed or wasting my time thinking about what comes next (as though it matters, right? but these kinds of delusions are fundamental to building up any kind of motivation). i can't be losing myself in plans. the uncertainty, though, is gnawing.
what would i even do with this time period if i were using it to focus on the future like i'm supposed to be doing? i'm privileged enough to be able to re-educate myself largely as i see fit, but i've basically systematically ruled out any possible professional designation as a process of intellectually enslaving myself. the reason intellectual work is supposed to be more rewarding is that it provides for some freedom of thought, but that doesn't work when you can't get beyond any existing system of axioms without an objection that is so strong as to require mutiny. i'd actually have to suppress my views less as a wage slave than as a lawyer or a professor. there's no intellectual freedom there, there's no garden to frolic in - there's just the repetition of lies, the observance of conformity and the problem of cognitive dissonance.
i can't do tradeswork. i lack things like physical strength and motor skills. and i couldn't market a steak to a starving person.
so it's a process of looking forward to the reestablishment of my own enslavement, or getting lucky in extending my existing conditions. and why bother preparing for that? why not just hope you get lucky, and deal with the consequences if you don't?
there's no possible happy ending, it's just different levels of enslavement.
i realize they're going to throw it at me. "we gave you two years on disability to recover from a mental breakdown, and you wasted it in a scorched earth policy at carleton, followed by moving to the worst job market in the country and sitting around listening to music?"
well, yeah. it might be the last opportunity i get.
i don't need drugs. i'm not malfunctioning. i've come to a series of careful, reasoned conclusions and if you allow me the space to lay my arguments out i could very well convince the cheeriest people alive of these empty feelings that they seem to be oblivious to. to me, that's the head-scratching part of it. i really don't understand how so many people can be so happy - or bother pretending they're so happy - in the face of so much pointlessness. i don't want to understand this, either, as i feel it would necessarily require destroying a substantial number of brain cells.
i should have killed myself a long time ago, but i can't even really work up the nerve of even that. what's the point of suicide? i mean, these fleeting moments of contrived happiness, as well as these constant trials with myself, are surely more valuable than nothing at all? i'm most content when i ignore purpose and just exist. but i just can't come to terms with that in more than isolated stretches. i'm just constantly overwhelmed.
right now i'm mad at myself for it. i'm usually not. but right now i know i have to take advantage of this small period of freedom before it disappears. i can't be depressed or wasting my time thinking about what comes next (as though it matters, right? but these kinds of delusions are fundamental to building up any kind of motivation). i can't be losing myself in plans. the uncertainty, though, is gnawing.
what would i even do with this time period if i were using it to focus on the future like i'm supposed to be doing? i'm privileged enough to be able to re-educate myself largely as i see fit, but i've basically systematically ruled out any possible professional designation as a process of intellectually enslaving myself. the reason intellectual work is supposed to be more rewarding is that it provides for some freedom of thought, but that doesn't work when you can't get beyond any existing system of axioms without an objection that is so strong as to require mutiny. i'd actually have to suppress my views less as a wage slave than as a lawyer or a professor. there's no intellectual freedom there, there's no garden to frolic in - there's just the repetition of lies, the observance of conformity and the problem of cognitive dissonance.
i can't do tradeswork. i lack things like physical strength and motor skills. and i couldn't market a steak to a starving person.
so it's a process of looking forward to the reestablishment of my own enslavement, or getting lucky in extending my existing conditions. and why bother preparing for that? why not just hope you get lucky, and deal with the consequences if you don't?
there's no possible happy ending, it's just different levels of enslavement.
i realize they're going to throw it at me. "we gave you two years on disability to recover from a mental breakdown, and you wasted it in a scorched earth policy at carleton, followed by moving to the worst job market in the country and sitting around listening to music?"
well, yeah. it might be the last opportunity i get.
Monday, January 13, 2014
mixing records only has one rule: do not mix while inebriated. your ears are not trustworthy when baked. i repeat: your ears are not trustworthy when baked.
i am arrogantly flaunting this rule.
i can provide a reasoned argument.
i'm not just empty rebellion. such accusations are premature, hear me out!
see, while the rule is a reasonable rule of thumb, there are circumstances where music is meant to be consumed baked. under such circumstances, mixing should be done baked to capture the blur properly.
jess 1, rules 0.
of course, i made that rule up, and i am the only person under it's authority, so my assertion of sovereignty is somewhat trivial.
nonetheless, i am flaunting my own convention and will not be persuaded from it.
i am arrogantly flaunting this rule.
i can provide a reasoned argument.
i'm not just empty rebellion. such accusations are premature, hear me out!
see, while the rule is a reasonable rule of thumb, there are circumstances where music is meant to be consumed baked. under such circumstances, mixing should be done baked to capture the blur properly.
jess 1, rules 0.
of course, i made that rule up, and i am the only person under it's authority, so my assertion of sovereignty is somewhat trivial.
nonetheless, i am flaunting my own convention and will not be persuaded from it.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
i didn't feel that arctic air mass come in, but it's leaving the area like a gastric vortex.
if i haven't posted about this here, i have a weird stomach condition that seems to be driven by shifts in atmospheric pressure. it gets really bad when the weather shifts with seasons, i'll point out when the season really starts by noting that i'm writhing in pain, but also during big thunderstorms and other things related to shifts in pressure.
i've talked to a few doctors, and the general consensus is that i'm a raving lunatic. i didn't really need the diagnosis - it's intuitively clear. but so is this daunting correlation....
if i haven't posted about this here, i have a weird stomach condition that seems to be driven by shifts in atmospheric pressure. it gets really bad when the weather shifts with seasons, i'll point out when the season really starts by noting that i'm writhing in pain, but also during big thunderstorms and other things related to shifts in pressure.
i've talked to a few doctors, and the general consensus is that i'm a raving lunatic. i didn't really need the diagnosis - it's intuitively clear. but so is this daunting correlation....
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
i'm not somebody that's lived a lunch pail life. i've tried to make things interesting, which has meant taking some chances. it's meant uncertainties in things most of us take for granted. it's meant sleeping in some weird places. it's meant that you win some and...
that was probably the most intense year of my life so far. it feels like a decade of time went by; i can barely even contemplate where i was this time last year, except as part of a past existence. i'm 800 km away in space and even further in mind. if i'm not a decade older physically, i feel like i'm a decade older, mentally.
taking it from the context of 2011 as a rock bottom, and 2012 as a needed recovery followed by a slow crawl out, i feel i turned a corner on a lot of things over 2013 - and not just things that had carried on since 2011 but things that had carried on longer than that. everything seemed to go wrong all at once at the end of 2011, and it all seemed to pass all at once in the middle of 2013. it's remarkable, really, how total and sudden both events were. so, there's a lot of legitimate newness for me in the new year. if things continue on the same trajectory, it looks positive.
that was probably the most intense year of my life so far. it feels like a decade of time went by; i can barely even contemplate where i was this time last year, except as part of a past existence. i'm 800 km away in space and even further in mind. if i'm not a decade older physically, i feel like i'm a decade older, mentally.
taking it from the context of 2011 as a rock bottom, and 2012 as a needed recovery followed by a slow crawl out, i feel i turned a corner on a lot of things over 2013 - and not just things that had carried on since 2011 but things that had carried on longer than that. everything seemed to go wrong all at once at the end of 2011, and it all seemed to pass all at once in the middle of 2013. it's remarkable, really, how total and sudden both events were. so, there's a lot of legitimate newness for me in the new year. if things continue on the same trajectory, it looks positive.
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