so, i dunno what the next step is at all.

it's still true that the only non-smoking housing that exists is run by the city. but, i'm losing confidence in that being a way out.

i may find myself wanting to move to a small town, but i know that opens up a lot of other problems around my gender identity. i'm more likely to get into a fight with the church than care what they think, but christians are known to kill people they don't like, and i have my safety to concern myself with.

what it means is that if i thought there was no escape before...

it's ubiquitous.

it's just the normal outside air smell, now. all day, every day, everywhere, all the time.

you walk down any street in this city nowadays, and all you can smell is low quality drugs for miles around, and carbon monoxide from the cars.

it's a truly disgusting combination.

i was guilty (for a few weeks.), but i've stopped. and i can only hope that everybody else does soon, too.

the headache is getting a little better, but i'm still overwhelmingly drained, and unable to stay awake.

am i depressed? is that possible?

it's a depressing scenario all around. i think that tuesday was the only day i've bothered to brush my hair and look presentable all summer. there's just nothing to do, no reason to get out of bed.

if i could get those testicles cut out tomorrow, it would help. really.

and the smell of smoke is not pleasant. at all.

i need to make some calls today, but am not expecting to be productive for a while, still. that fan is paramount, and i just need to make the point about it - i'm basically useless without it

....and it's the city.

i'm just a few blocks from where the 401 hits the ambassador bridge. maybe the one thing that was nice about the shutdown was the decrease in air pollution; now that it's come back, it just stinks that much worse.

my headache and sleepiness is not going to go away until i'm able to find a new fan on the weekend, and i'll probably buy two. the 31st is a monday, so i don't know if it'll clear 24 or 48 hours from now. and, that will be the end of this somewhat awful month.

i'm going to make an omelette, but i don't really expect much between now and then.

i just can't function in stagnant air like this. it's not the temperature, it's the stillness. i need constant flow.