so, excluding the short amount of time in between, that was more or less 15 more hours of heavy, can't-move kind of sleep.

it's enough to make me think about starting up a cocaine addiction.

or starting smoking cigarettes again.

i was initially hoping to do some testing, to see if i could narrow the issue down to some other thing. so, i've got this machine down to the minimum i can get it to - wired usb keyboard & mouse and one stick of ram and that's it. no battery, even.

but, the fact that i just connected to microsoft's servers on a computer with no working and connected network card is making me realize the pointlessness of this, if i didn't already know it.

i've convinced myself the drive is fine. there was an off chance there was an issue with ram or a short in the board. but, this backdoor is more consistent with all of the evidence...

i don't know what they want or why they're doing this but this machine has no long term future. sadly. 

i've said over and over again that i don't actually care if the cia hacks my machine, because i don't break any laws, anyways. it's not that i like that argument - obviously, i'd rather they didn't - so much as i'm cognizant of what the internet is and how it works and the reality you are signing yourself up for when you use it.

this has been run by the military from the start...the first person that showed me the internet was my retired step-grandfather, who worked as a signals interpreter in alert. and, he died skeptical that the internet would ever be used by civilians; he didn't think the military would really open it up. lol.

what was pissing me off was that the surveillance software was slowing the computer down. 

if you could write better software for older machines, i wouldn't care. but, when you take surveillance software that is designed for modern machines and install it on a 15 year old laptop, it makes the computer unusable.

and, i'm not buying a new computer so that the cia can spy on me more effectively.

so, on some level, i don't even fucking care, so long as it doesn't interfere with my work. but, once you hold that mirror up, it's also unsettling - it's one thing to say you don't care, and another to realize you really can't turn it off.

i may end up moving back to the pc relatively fast, but i need to do some things online with this image, and i don't want to connect to the internet from the pc, ever.

but, maybe if i write it out on my screen i'll believe it: there's a hidden wireless card in my computer that is connected to a surveillance network on the backend, and is not otherwise displayed by the operating system.

i promise you they didn't get a warrant, either.

if i go in there and just rip the wire out, i could short the board.

why don't i just do what i want to do to start and see how far i get. i have a lot of things to do before i even get to the point of opening up the master document.

the machine shows no network device. at all.

and, yet, i am connected to some kind of remote access wireless network that i can only detect indirectly. like, i know the connection is there. but, i appear to be completely blocked, somehow, from figuring out what it is.

obviously , i don't like this, and i don't like the idea of using this computer under this scenario. but what do i do, then?

am i suggesting that some kind of law enforcement came into my house and spliced a wireless chip into my laptop's system board in order to prevent me from uninstalling their surveillance software, because they insist on spying on me while i'm writing liner notes for 20 year old records?

i can only react to what i see in front of me, as baffling as it might be.

they really seem to think i'm some kind of russian spy. the fucking idiots...

i got the laptop back up, without the wireless keyboard, and two bizarre things showed up immediately:

1) there was a remote access server driver that i'd never seen before.

2) i was again able to activate windows, in a machine that does not have a network card and now has no known bluetooth device.

i need to be clear.

i have removed the wireless card from this device, and have dismantled the bluetooth keyboard. the rj-45 is not plugged in. and, yet, i can still activate windows.

i could not activate the same image from the pc.

so, it's increasingly becoming clear that there's a very serious backdoor hardwired into the board, and that there might not be anything i can do about it besides throw the computer away. taking a look at the wireless compartment, it almost looks like they spliced something.

the level of effort put into this is just baffling. i'm just an artist. for fuck's sakes.

i don't know what to do next. if i start working on this machine, are they going to reboot it on me?

what does marijuana do to jessica?

marijuana makes jessica extremely tired, lethargic, unmotivated and sort of depressed. however, it can make her more talkative in public, as well. that's why jessica only really likes to smoke marijuana at bars, and explicitly seeks to avoid it at home, by herself. 

jessica has never smoked marijuana habitually and never will.

jessica prefers drugs that make her more alert, focused and upbeat - like caffeine or nicotine, although she quit smoking, as a habit, many years ago.

so, i was going to get started a little after 23:00, when the overwhelming stench of marijuana from upstairs started pouring in from what i think was the porch, and i had to stop, make some coffee and take a very long shower. and, it was so bad that i think it knocked me out. i slept for a little bit, regardless...

somebody seemed to come in midway through the night and shut it down. and, i wanted to wait until after 4:30 to post.

that smelled like a group of people smoking, which is something that i'm not going to be able to tolerate if it happens on any sort of regular basis. i've been crystal clear: i don't care what you do to your body, but i expect to have total dominion over mine. if people want to smoke out in the forest, or at the bar, where it doesn't bother anybody, then i have no argument against it - in fact, i'll do it myself from time to time. but, on the issue of cleaning smoke out of residential areas, i align strictly with the rights of non-smokers to fresh air and a healthy, smoke-free environment over the so-called "rights of smokers". and, i insist i'm the one taking a libertarian position on this, as the right to fresh air is a real thing that is enshrined in all kinds of human rights literature. there is no such thing as the right to smoke anything, and there is nothing libertarian about smoking a foot from somebody's window, and pissing them off - that is randian, it's selfish, it's nihilistic, but it's not libertarian or socialist or anarchistic.

the way we deal with issues like this is that we (1) write city bylaws and enforce fines on people that break them and (2) allow for civil litigation, so that people that are harmed by the behaviour of others can be compensated properly for it.

we don't say "mah property, fuck you.". that's barbaric, really.

so, the idea of somebody smoking outside my window on a regular basis is a non-starter. i signed a non-smoking lease, here. i will film them smoking on their own porch, take the video to court, and sue them for thousands of dollars over it - and insist i'm in the right to do it, because it's my rights to fresh air that are what is substantive and must be enforced above all others, here.

i don't want to move, but i can't handle that.

after taking a nap, i was able to get the local parts of inri023 finished up and decided against building seeds for the other files, because i know i'm just going to redo it all, anyways. there are ten releases dated to january, 2014, two of them "lps", so i will have a fair amount of work to do when that comes up.

but, that means i'm now jumping directly to building the master document for january.

...if i can stay awake. fuck.

like, i just passed out in public from a marijuana attack, which i haven't fully recovered from. it's clearly having a horrific effect on me. what the fuck are they doing?