i also watched evan solomon question trudeau before i left, and noticed the disconnect pretty staunchly.

trudeau has clearly been surrounding himself with supremely qualified people recently, and been fed a line that actually makes sense. evan solomon, less so.

i'm not trying to attack evan solomon's intelligence, exactly. i've sen enough of him to know that he's a moderately intelligent journalist that tries to follow the facts as best he can. he's not a demagogue; he's at least honest, whatever his defects. but, he probably never took a science course past grade 10, because the curriculum didn't force him to....and, he consequently has no ability to understand what he's talking about. like most people in his situation, he gets his information from cnn & cbc and takes it at face value. because what else do you do? you read what you understand.

so, he's legitimately concerned about the border, because he gets his information from shitty sources that tell him that you deal with this by shutting borders. why isn't canada shutting borders?

trudeau's response was surprisingly accurate, actually. we have to remember that trudeau, himself, isn't exactly a rhodes scholar....but he's got good people around him and it really does show. so, trudeau calmly explained that when the united states and italy clamped down on travel early (which is true.), it didn't work in stopping the spread. rather, people found ways around the barriers. in canada, we adopted a policy of accepting and documenting travel from hotspots, which allowed us to understand what was actually happening. as such, we think there's been much less random transmission.

so, the reason we're not shutting borders is that the science actually says that this makes things worse.

but, evan solomon kept pushing the point, because he didn't get it. and, trudeau started to get visibly frustrated - evan, why don't you fucking get it? it doesn't fucking work. lay the fuck off with the travel restrictions, k.

i just want to remind the government of something it knows - it has to stand firm on the science. it's going to run into a thousand evan solomons that want it to flex it's muscles and do something drastic, and they might even get a short term poll bounce if they give in, because people don't know, and don't care and don't want to learn - they want to follow their gut, they want to assert their male instincts to control, they want to take charge.

don't listen to them. hold your ground...

and, in the end, there will be data, and we can all hope the evan solomon's of the world learn the right lessons from it. most of them want to. really. they just don't have the tools to do it...

bernie seemed to be expecting an honest, gentlemanly debate on the issues.

it just demonstrates the point. 

bernie's platform slays. i've never denied that. but, he's a dope.

so, i got a pizza and tried to watch the debate, but cnn has made that somewhat difficult, unless you tuned in live (and i did not - i tuned in about 9:30).

i'm feeling fine.

the youtube streams were incomplete and shoddy, dropping audio, etc. but it's enough to get the point across.

it's virtually impossible for bernie to win a debate against somebody that successfully markets himself as a "decent guy" and yet is actually a pathological liar. biden would be absolutely devastated by a basic fact check, but the media won't bother with it.

so, biden's tactic is just to look you in the eye and lie his face off, which includes parroting certain positions that bernie has taken that he knows are popular. when trump & clinton did that, nobody believed them. biden seems to be more convincing for some reason. maybe it's because he's so "decent".

but, it's the same lies, and you're still stupid to fall for them.

bernie had to rip biden to shreds to have a chance. instead, he seemed perplexed by his dishonesty, and ultimately came off a little unprepared - he seems to have expected biden to show up and defend his record, rather than deflect or obfuscate it.

biden also seemed more in control of himself than we've generally seen recently.

i'm sorry, but i think joe won the match. and, bernie's about to get routed.

he'll probably win arizona, though.

actually, i'd like to see a random sample of people polled for testing for covid-19.

randomly generate 5000 numbers. make sure they haven't traveled. make sure they don't have symptoms, and make sure they don't have a history with the virus.

mail the tests out.

and crunch the numbers.

i'm curious.

i can't find an atheist urologist in southwestern ontario.

that's the sad reality of it.

the problem here isn't access in the universal system. this is covered, and there's plenty of doctors that can do it.

the problem is that the doctors won't do it, because they're all a bunch of fucking christians or muslims.

i should be able to walk into a urologist's office and have this dealt with in a couple of hours. it's a simple, routine practice - especially considering that i consider myself too old to see any purpose in final reassignment. i don't want to have sex, regardless.

but, they think it's "immoral". that's fucking bullshit...

what's immoral is to tell me i can't do this, or put me on a five year waiting list for something that's almost not going to matter anymore by the time i get off of it.

i have not had consensual sex since 2006ish and have no intent to ever have consensual sex ever again. 

i've been to specialists, regionally, that claim they have some kind of bullshit religious problem with it.

so, i had to put in an application for a centre in toronto, despite that centre pleading with doctors to handle it locally.

i've been trying to do this for years and i'm not getting any kind of useful response. worse, i think my doctor actually thinks i'm sexually active with women and am denying it, and is trying to avoid me from making a mistake.

the mistake i made was not getting this done with when i was young.

i hate sex. i want them out. and, i'm getting fed up with this.

i don't want them. i haven't wanted them for years. and, if i don't get a useful response when i see my doctor in may, i may have to consider finding some other means of chopping them out, myself.

i am taking the right kind of estrogen for what i want. i don't have any qualms about that.

but, i'd like to completely eliminate my ability to produce testosterone by surgically removing my testicles. this will allow me to reduce my reliance on anti-androgens, which should increase the effectiveness of the estrogen.

these trans people that you see on tv don't look the way they do due to hormones.

they've had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. that's why they look how they do.

i haven't had any. at all. and, i don't want any - except to cut my testicles out, which i'm still waiting for a response on.

i can't bring back the past, but i didn't go back into transition until i was a little older and there are consequences of that that i can't undo. 

they're claiming it's on "back order" and they'll have to call around.

i think they're lying and trying to avoid ordering it.

so, i'll need to get an answer tomorrow, and if it's not what i want then i'll need to switch pharmacies.

i do not want sharp spikes and mood swings.

i want stability and constancy.

and, i want to maximize the feminizing effects, which is done by maintaining consistently high levels in the bloodstream, which is achieved by allowing the liver to regulate it.

i'm 40 years old.

i looked better when i was 30, didn't i?

they're trying to push the generic estrogen on me at the pharmacy, again. i think they have some kind of deal with a distributor in india.

it's not the same drug.

the brand name estradiol attaches the active estrogen agent to a salt that gets metabolized by your liver, which results in stable levels of estrogen that get released through your endocrine system. this is the most natural way to do this, which isn't necessarily the best, but the stability ensures that the mood swings are kept to a minimum.

the generic estradiol encases the active estrogen agent to a water molecule that is meant to enter your blood stream directly (and should probably be taken on your tongue rather than swallowed), which produces immediate spikes and sharp trails. this is more akin to popping estrogen as a drug. while it will lead to mood swings, the feminizing effects will be less effective.

if they were the same thing, i'd take the generic. but, i actually think that the hemihydrate forms of this should be banned, along with injections.

they should build a wall to keep americans out, and then make americans pay for it.

wait. that's....

do i have to find somebody with this and fuck them?

is that it?

do i have to reverse my no-sex policy to get infected with this?

i was totally reckless, too.

some things i did on thursday:

- smoked a pack of cigarettes

- bummed or purchased cigarettes from multiple people

- passed two joints, with two different groups of strangers.

- took drinks from bar staff at two separate bars

- used several public washrooms

- close-talked with several different groups, without a passing thought to social distancing, including with several off-duty bar staff (who were concerned about their finances)

- ate a blt at a diner

- took the bus into detroit and then took it back out

what the fuck else can i do to catch this thing?

i got some sleep.

i've been tired recently anyways. i didn't get that hot shower yesterday, though. i think that's a good idea....after i eat my daily bowl of fruit.

i had a little bit of a sore throat this morning. it seems to have cleared up. something else though: the dry cough has loosened up.

a test would be necessary to figure this out for certain, of course. but my understanding of the disease is that a loosening cough suggests that i probably just caught a cold.

so, it seems like i'm going to have to risk exposure for a while longer, still. drats. foiled....

and, i'd like to hear the united states make a similar announcement.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/15/coronavirus-uk-over-70s-to-be-asked-to-self-isolate-within-weeks-hancock-says

this may all be a process of trying to set an example. and, i'm not one for leadership, and don't tend to do what i'm told. but, people are sheep, and this is probably useful.

https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/covid-19-margaret-trudeau-self-isolates-1.4852633

i think this is the right request to make.

there was also a request by the prime minister's mother - who was married to the prime minister's father, who was also the prime minister from 1967-1984 - to be mindful of spending time with older relatives, and for older folks to be conscious of reality, which is very useful.

again: i've had little criticism of our government's response, here. i just hope the execution doesn't get botched by the provinces. 

https://montreal.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=1922208

well, i don't want to go drinking if i feel sick.

i might have just picked up a head cold, i don't even know. i know i don't feel sick enough to go to a clinic, whether it's the new virus or not. but, i hope it is. i want the antibodies...

i'm not going to go cough all over the retirement home. and, if i see an older person, i'll keep my distance - that's a fair request. but, if i need to go shopping, i'm going to go, as i would if i had a minor head cold. 

i'm just making the point that i don't feel i have the burden, here. i'm not disrupting my life over something that has almost no chance of even making me noticeably sick.