he's the only doctor in town i can deal with.
and, probably the only one for miles and miles.
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
the reason i didn't ask for a dose increase last year was that i decided to get the orchiectomy, instead. so, i waited. and waited.
he didn't even fucking mail it.
i should have just asked for the dose increase; i'd probably have avoided the year's worth of difficulty focusing. and, i'm almost certain that's what i'm doing.
he didn't even fucking mail it.
i should have just asked for the dose increase; i'd probably have avoided the year's worth of difficulty focusing. and, i'm almost certain that's what i'm doing.
i had a doctor's appointment today after getting my blood taken a few weeks ago.
my vitals are, as usual, outstanding. but, the t-blockers are decreasing their effectiveness in an increasingly worrying direction, and i found out that he didn't even send the fucking letter to the surgeon, yet.
i noticed this intuitively, to start with, and i actually think it's at the root cause of the problems i'm having with drowsiness and focus. i was feeling anxious and angry and frustrated, and thought i was dealing with cortisol issues or even lead poisoning. but, then i realized my testosterone was going up.
it was at 0.1 four years ago, .2 two years ago, .4 last year and .8 this year. this is the wrong direction!
but, it's not surprising, either. i'm developing a tolerance to the cyproterone acetate, which is a well understood reality of it.
so, if i'm developing a tolerance to the drug, i can either increase the dosage or i can just cut my testicles out. i desperately want my testicles to be put through a fucking incinerator. i want them gone. forever. but, i can't get a doctor to do it.
it's covered. it's simple. it's fast. but, they won't do it.
i was concerned about increasing the cyproterone due to eventual strain on my liver.
so, the doctor suggested i switch to spironolactone instead, and i said "ok", and i even filled a prescription today, but i'm looking into it and i think this was a stupid suggestion.
to begin with, clinical studies seem to suggest that the spironolactone is less effective than the cyproterone acetate, at the dosages i've been prescribed - with the spiro only reducing levels to 2.0, and the cyproterone generally coming in around the 0.8 i'm currently at. so, if i'm trying to get my testosterone back down to .1, the spiro seems unlikely to do it. it's probably going to actually increase it, from what i can see.
second, the spiro seems to reduce hdl, whereas the cyproterone seems to increase it. the doctor is consistently amazed at my cholesterol levels. the cyproterone - which he doesn't usually prescribe - may have something to do with it.
worse, the spiro is often prescribed for heart conditions, which is something i'm not sure i want to fuck with. the cyproterone is simply a safer drug at high concentrations. so, if i'm concerned about complications from high concentrations, moving me to spiro is backwards.
i'm going to do some more research, but i'm leaning heavily towards tossing the spiro and asking him to just boost my cyproterone instead. i'm only taking 100, which is usually considered a maximum dose for trans patients, but appears to be substantively below levels where liver complications are a serious problem.
my vitals are, as usual, outstanding. but, the t-blockers are decreasing their effectiveness in an increasingly worrying direction, and i found out that he didn't even send the fucking letter to the surgeon, yet.
i noticed this intuitively, to start with, and i actually think it's at the root cause of the problems i'm having with drowsiness and focus. i was feeling anxious and angry and frustrated, and thought i was dealing with cortisol issues or even lead poisoning. but, then i realized my testosterone was going up.
it was at 0.1 four years ago, .2 two years ago, .4 last year and .8 this year. this is the wrong direction!
but, it's not surprising, either. i'm developing a tolerance to the cyproterone acetate, which is a well understood reality of it.
so, if i'm developing a tolerance to the drug, i can either increase the dosage or i can just cut my testicles out. i desperately want my testicles to be put through a fucking incinerator. i want them gone. forever. but, i can't get a doctor to do it.
it's covered. it's simple. it's fast. but, they won't do it.
i was concerned about increasing the cyproterone due to eventual strain on my liver.
so, the doctor suggested i switch to spironolactone instead, and i said "ok", and i even filled a prescription today, but i'm looking into it and i think this was a stupid suggestion.
to begin with, clinical studies seem to suggest that the spironolactone is less effective than the cyproterone acetate, at the dosages i've been prescribed - with the spiro only reducing levels to 2.0, and the cyproterone generally coming in around the 0.8 i'm currently at. so, if i'm trying to get my testosterone back down to .1, the spiro seems unlikely to do it. it's probably going to actually increase it, from what i can see.
second, the spiro seems to reduce hdl, whereas the cyproterone seems to increase it. the doctor is consistently amazed at my cholesterol levels. the cyproterone - which he doesn't usually prescribe - may have something to do with it.
worse, the spiro is often prescribed for heart conditions, which is something i'm not sure i want to fuck with. the cyproterone is simply a safer drug at high concentrations. so, if i'm concerned about complications from high concentrations, moving me to spiro is backwards.
i'm going to do some more research, but i'm leaning heavily towards tossing the spiro and asking him to just boost my cyproterone instead. i'm only taking 100, which is usually considered a maximum dose for trans patients, but appears to be substantively below levels where liver complications are a serious problem.
this is the end of this for a while, as i pivot back into period three.
but, here is the complete readable archive of this blog for the first reconstruction phase, from july, 2013 to january, 2014.
the second reconstruction phase ran from february 1, 2014 to the end of june, 2015, when i looped back around to remaster the inri material from source. while the politics and music journal sites are largely reconstructed over this period, i do not intend to get back to rebuilding the travel or dtk blogs in any systematic matter or doing music journal releases until (1) i am in a comfortable flow with the alter-reality and (2) i am finished with period three, which ran roughly from the time i got back from bc in 2003 to the time i moved into the apartment on bronson in 2007. journal releases for the foreseeable future are going to be dated from 1988 or 1989 forwards.
so, that's what's coming up.
but, i need to get through another 11 liner note releases, and update at least inri022, probably others. the coming re-releases are inri031-inri034, inri036-inri041 and inri045.
http://books.noisetrade.com/j/072013-012014-travel-blog
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026660
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-travel-blog/ebook/product-nm4jeq.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/13M7Vvz2hLiuGdywPL2oNRgUY3nmn26E6/view
but, here is the complete readable archive of this blog for the first reconstruction phase, from july, 2013 to january, 2014.
the second reconstruction phase ran from february 1, 2014 to the end of june, 2015, when i looped back around to remaster the inri material from source. while the politics and music journal sites are largely reconstructed over this period, i do not intend to get back to rebuilding the travel or dtk blogs in any systematic matter or doing music journal releases until (1) i am in a comfortable flow with the alter-reality and (2) i am finished with period three, which ran roughly from the time i got back from bc in 2003 to the time i moved into the apartment on bronson in 2007. journal releases for the foreseeable future are going to be dated from 1988 or 1989 forwards.
so, that's what's coming up.
but, i need to get through another 11 liner note releases, and update at least inri022, probably others. the coming re-releases are inri031-inri034, inri036-inri041 and inri045.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1026660
https://www.lulu.com/en/ca/shop/jessica-murray/full-first-reconstruction-phase-travel-blog/ebook/product-nm4jeq.html
https://drive.google.com/file/d/13M7Vvz2hLiuGdywPL2oNRgUY3nmn26E6/view
it's been years since we've had a nice, hot summer in this area of the world.
and i'm going to have to spend it sitting inside fighting with the fucking a/c :(.
with the return of the sun, let's hope the oscillations flip and it's even more humid next year. i want it to hit 20 degrees on april 1st and stay above it nonstop until nov 1st, even overnight.
it seems like i'm just going to have to postpone my 40th birthday until next year, i guess.
https://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/news/article/canada-2020-summer-forecast
and i'm going to have to spend it sitting inside fighting with the fucking a/c :(.
with the return of the sun, let's hope the oscillations flip and it's even more humid next year. i want it to hit 20 degrees on april 1st and stay above it nonstop until nov 1st, even overnight.
it seems like i'm just going to have to postpone my 40th birthday until next year, i guess.
https://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/news/article/canada-2020-summer-forecast
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