ok.

maybe it was foundation. when i got home on friday morning, i didn't shower until after i'd slept. so, that is a possibility.

it doesn't explain the splotch on the bed sheet, though. hrmmn...

mattress is fine.

it's not bed bug shit....

are these possibly bed bug stains?

well, i haven't seen any. there's no bites.

the ones on the sheets were not bed bug stains. the ones on the pillow? it's not that much of a stretch.

but, there's no other signs of them around.

i've seen spiders in here, a few centipedes, a couple of crickets, a large amount of ants (not in a while) and a handful of sow bugs. there was that one maple bug when i first came in. that's it. it's actually been refreshingly bug free down here; that's an upside to living down here, after the last few spots, which were infested with roaches and termites.

i'm going to flip over the mattress to be sure.

this is my intended projection of myself.

the way that i want you to see me is as somebody that is physically incapable of having sex in a male gender role - because i'm entirely emotionally disinterested in it, and i'll never do it, and i want you to know that.

is that enough psychobabble for you?

i am almost completely impotent, and i want you to know it, and i'm proud of it and i'm happy to tell you about it.

well, think about it.

how much time does the average human waste thinking about sex?

a lot. too much...

i'd rather spend that time doing something more productive,

like ranting on the internet. and working on my art projects.

sex and masturbation are both just a pointless waste of time. i'm ecstatic that i don't have to think about them very often - and would be happier if i never thought about them at all!

so, i know these stains are not me. but, that doesn't prove they're somebody else; i know i don't have a good legal argument. but, these cameras are becoming necessary, asap.

i want to be castrated.

i want to be impotent.

i take high potency anti-androgens that are designed to prevent me from having penile function. 

twice a day. every day. on purpose.

it just doesn't work; i'm castrated, i'm impotent.

again: i'm not able to ejaculate, and i'm barely able to maintain an erection - it's a few seconds, at most, generally.

if i try really hard i can sometimes orgasm, but it's usually rather difficult, and i'm actually of the mindset that i'd prefer emancipation from sexuality. i don't have sex, and i don't masturbate very often, and it's all very much fully voluntary. it's like once a month, tops. really. i don't really like it...

i mean, just about the only thing that's going to get me off is imagining being penetrated. it's just not very satisfying, given the reality. so, i'd generally prefer to just avoid it.

i don't see any point in going to the cops because i can't prove anything. i mean, i guess i could ask for a dna sample. but, i know they're going to insist i did it myself - despite my insistence of the impossibility of it.

i'd have to get some camera footage before i could reasonably file charges....

i don't see any other obvious signs of entry, yet.

i left the house around 4:00 today, arrived at the superior court around 4:30, walked to the leddy library, printed some documents, missed the 6:00 closing time at the shoppers at campbell (got there for 6:15-sh), walked to the tecumseh shoppers, mailed the motion to toronto and got home for around 7:30-ish.

i have some receipts, and a lot of witnesses.

i'm not going to take pictures. it's already in the wash.

there were two stains on the actual sheet. one of them actually looked like dried toothpaste, oddly enough, whereas the other one looked more like a sex stain.

more disgusting to me were the three stains on my pillow that soaked through the casing and actually looked more like blood.

i have no idea. i just think it's important to document something.

you should not generally put any depraved behaviour past the cops.

these are people that volunteer to walk around with guns and tell people what to do. you have to be fucked in the head.

are the cops even trying to set me up with something?

well, it's very weird. i'm pretty sure there's a cop upstairs, and i come home to unexplained stains on my sheet.

like, are they fucking down here? are they getting off on it?

what the fuck?

i'm kind of grossed out by it.

that's about it, really.

again: i go out to mail something, and when i come in there's weird stains on my bed that i don't understand. this has happened a few times, now.

i am not capable of producing semen; i didn't sleep through something, and wake up and forget. 

it's very disconcerting.

but, i guess i'm washing my sheets tonight.

i'm going to have to set up a camera in here. but, like....did he want me to find it or like...i don't get it...

is it an intimidation tactic? what's the point?

actually, i'm going to fax her the documents tonight.

i'll just mail her the affidavit tomorrow.

so, that's what i'm doing this afternoon.

ok.

i'm not taking chances on this reply factum, and it seems like the coordinator is being stupid again, so i'm going to have to get out to mail something tomorrow.

she's left a few messages regarding a "motion record", but i'm not appealing anything, so that hasn't made any sense to me. she's refused to clarify the point.

i will nonetheless type up a bullshit motion record, serve it, get an affidavit and mail it in the morning. 

it's literally going to be a piece of paper that says "not applicable" on it twenty times. this is not a relevant thing to have to file...but whatever.