Tuesday, September 29, 2015

exploring a little closer to home (math rock bands on crooked floors)

well, i've either got a mosquito bite on my forehead or i'm developing a third eye. want to take bets on that?

i didn't get any cleaning done the other day; i got stuck in an algorithm on youtube, which ended up crashing the browser. 2500 open tabs. in hindsight, i suppose it's not possible to watch all of youtube. i hope to get that done with the rest of today, and get back at it tomorrow. i'm feeling rejuvenated and eager to move forwards.

i hit a house show last night with two mildly interesting acts, both of which demonstrated some potential, but neither of which held up as well as they could have. reviews in the comments.

in two years here, it was actually the first time i've taken a walk away from downtown after dark. i knew i was going to be walking through the wealthy part of the downtown core, but it took on a different feeling in the moonlight due to how clear it is that i was walking through a neighbourhood built by very old money. the churches, the collegiates, the mansions - these are all still standing, and all still in use. i suppose that it's only different from what i'm used to in ottawa in terms of how explicit it is; it may have been similar to walking through the glebe thirty or forty years ago, but i'm not old enough to remember what that may have been like.

the key thing you notice when you cross the street into the old money is how dark the neighbourhood is. the houses are old, but taken care of - likely professionally. they're dark because they're empty. one imagines widowers living off investments made by ancestors they've never met; sum totals of labour that exist of shuffling portfolios. these ten or fifteen room houses were built for families, and were no doubt once inhabited, but today they are merely equity passed down through generations. you'll see a jogger here and there; a dog walker, a couple. but, these are not castles, not sanctuaries to escape from the blood-thirsty masses. rather, they're empty relics of the past.

and, one exits this space as quickly as one enters it: a highway appears, and once one crosses it they are back to the normalcy of post-industrial decay. buildings that, though a quarter the age, are falling apart due to low maintenance. the whiff of marijuana replaces the soft background scent of professional gardens. but, i am crossing to the right side of the road, not the wrong side of it.

the show was outside, in a large lot (perhaps originally two) that's been split into three: a small house faces the street, with an equally sized secondary bungalow right behind it, that must be accessed via a path along the first one. you could spit from the back deck of the first to the front porch of the other. it seems almost as though the back house was moved in from somewhere else. an empty lot of the same size exists next door, apparently reclaimed by these inhabitants for events, although if the city were to appear out of the bushes with an ordinance, they would no doubt be told to exit the empty and adjacent lot. mosquitoes are endemic; in addition to the bite on my forehead, i've got a dozen on my unshielded arms. should have worn a long sleeve t-shirt...

sly why was up first (after a short set by some kind of radio show). i've seen sly why before, but with a band; i initially thought this was a dj set. rather, it was the front person for the band doing a solo set that integrated live keyboard playing & rhyming over some drum & bass machine work. the sum total was likely meant to exist in a flying lotus type space, but with a heavier emphasis on hip-hop and quite a bit more of a chick corea feel. in principle, this is an excellent idea. unfortunately, the execution was a little off.

the chick corea sound (i'm talking more about miles davis than return to forever) is two things: it's an aesthetic and it's a playing style. related things, but they're different. the aesthetic was pulled off very well, but a musician listening in would be unimpressed by the actual playing. he seemed to want to go into long interludes of piano work; these were effective when they were focused, but often sounded aimless and improvised. it's one thing to try and get the corea aesthetic; it's another to think you seriously actually have the talent to try and pull off that kind of improv. i think he needs to kind of make a choice on that: be more focused and drop the solos, or work on his improv skills.

he's definitely not chick corea.

as i believe i said last time, it's a good proof of concept with a lot of potential but it needs some work to actually come together.

this is similar:
 
this was the first time i've seen noxious foxes, but i remember their early records as being more dynamic than what i got last night. more live playing, intersecting harmonies, leads - less loops. my memory may be skewed; i may go back and listen to their first two records and realize they're more loop-based than i thought. but, it ended up with a pretty strong ian williams feel that really needs to be broken up a bit.

it was fun. i'd pay the $5 a second time. but, they need to be thinking about ways to get out of the box created by writing solely around loop pedals.


http://dghjdfsghkrdghdgja.appspot.com/categories/shows/2015/09/28.html

Monday, September 21, 2015

well, i got my forms mailed today. that's to cancel my student loan.

i can't be certain what the bureaucracy will do, but my understanding is that they basically can't overrule the doctor.

so, i'm celebrating this week. which means listening, but carefully - i know i can't mix when i'm celebrating.

and, it means making some different lifestyle choices starting next week.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

so, after caving into various self-rationalizations over the first half of september, i've been de-nicing the last few days and have every intention to stick with it this time. i've said that for a long time. but, i've got my income stable for the next five years, i'm no longer in a hurry to do much of anything and i'm very much intent on getting over this. i had a little heatstroke when i got back on tuesday night and have been sleeping that off as well, but i think i'm alert enough now to at least try and get the machine back up.

i turned it off tuesday morning right before the script runs. i'm going to want to make sure i can get the firewire drivers correctly working before i run the script.

i didn't get my forms on tuesday. it turns out that the psychiatrist has to fill them out, and i'll have to wait until monday. nor does it seem as though the nurse practitioner is going to carry through with my prescriptions. he claims he'll work as a go between if i can find an endocrinologist, but he won't work with the guy from london because he claims he's unprofessional, which i think is a cop out - i think it's a religious thing, again. he said he put out a referral, but i'm kind of sketchy on it. i'm not convinced it's even a real person. but we'll find out. if i don't have an answer by monday, i'm going to have to get in contact with the guy in london.

i can't think of any reason why i should need to actually go to london and physically speak with him. i'm just asking for a refill of something i've been on for years and will be on for the rest of my life. it should be a five minute conversation, and it's not really necessary. and, if he insists on a blood test or something, i don't see any reason why i can't just get the blood test here and have the results sent to him.

the ideal remains trying to get the guy in windsor to see me because then i can indulge whatever silliness he wants at essentially no cost to me.

i'll find out these things in a few days.

and i think i should have the machine up in a few hours, even if i need to spend a few more days sleeping to finish the detox.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

on second thought, i slept a little later than i planned and i'm not going to be able to hit the show unless i decide not to eat, which i'm not keen on. and, i'm not really up for sitting in that ice cream shop overnight; it's going to be relatively cold. cold snap had to hit tonight, huh? i was a big sonic youth fan years ago, and i'd certainly go if it was across the street but i'm really more focused on what i'm doing...

so, i'm staying in tonight.

i think the mix for nine is done; i was actually fighting with the drivers again last night, as it's fading again. i made the error of accidentally uninstalling the underlying windows drivers, and it seems to have screwed up the asio. i'm going to try to avoid reinstalling, but i may have to. now that i've got asio connected directly to foobar, i have tested it with the windows driver completely uninstalled and it does seem to be stable - lthough i'd like to be able to bring these back in. for now, it seems like i can get the drivers to stay put for a while before i have to reinstall them....it's workable, but i'm still tinkering because i'm still not clear exactly what is causing it to randomly resample...

i think 09 should be up pretty soon.
track 09 is just sounding funny one way or the other; i remember it having a nice compressed punch, and instead it's sounding very digital. i dunno.

but, i hope to get a bit done tonight.

i'm going to hit thurston moore tomorrow night, and use it as sort of a head clearing. i got almost nothing done this summer, which is disappointing. and, i have what is hopefully my last appointment for a while on tuesday. so, hopefully, i can get this past me and start refocusing on wednesday.

expect sporadic uploads over the next few days; hopefully, i can be almost done cleaning this up by wednesday.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

when i brought in the student loan forms, the psychiatrist and nurse practitioner got into an argument as to who ought to fill them out.

i don't blame them. the language is over the top. i would have a hard time declaring myself "severely permanently disabled", as well. the truth is that i'm really just an anarchist.

i left them with the forms. i have no idea if they'll fill them out. and, to be frank, i would not begrudge them for refusing to.

i may have to get used to living on $60/month less. if i'm not smoking, that's entirely feasible.

i called the student loan people today and they extended the waiver, meaning i'm good for another two months, anyways.

the psychiatrist also claims that he can't fill out hormone prescriptions - i don't think that's actually true. the nurse practitioner will do it, but only on the instruction of an endocrinologist. and, i don't think i'm likely to get through to this guy in london again. he's going to look into it. i don't want to go to toronto, but if i have to...

i was hoping this would just be dealt with yesterday, i'll be back on the 15th and have to make decisions about things as they come up.

as i've posted here before, the feminizing hormones are kind of secondary to me at this point. the more important thing is that i'm able to keep taking the testosterone suppressors. i'm more into rejecting sexual identity altogether. it's not that the identification has changed, i will continue to identify as mentally female whether i'm on the hormones or not, it's more that i'm at a point in my life where i've accepted that my gender identity is almost entirely irrelevant, because i'm going to spend the rest of my life by myself in my bedroom. it's hard to care about how you present yourself when you're not presenting yourself anywhere. but, the testosterone reduction is very intellectually liberating and of extreme importance. i never, ever think about sex anymore. i'd like to maintain that. i'm not a sexual creature. returning testosterone levels are just likely to be an annoyance and a distraction.

worst case scenario, i could probably get the testosterone suppressors prescribed by carrying out some kind of deviant sex act, like hanging out downtown naked for as long as it takes to get arrested. it would of course be a non-aggressive act. just enough to get the prescription.