inri031 is going to require some careful thought, specifically with the string orchestra version. if i update it, it will probably be to replace it.

the weather here was really nice all week, but went to shit last night. the drop in temperature gives me an opportunity to get some compost out tomorrow morning. but i've otherwise committed to zero packs of cigarettes over june - and am absolutely serious about enforcing it. i was almost cold turkey in february, but the weather helped. june is going to be a bit tougher, but i'm not cracking. this should hopefully overlap with the web site push, once i get through this clean-up and push through to completed material up to mid 2004, putting aside incomplete material over late 2003 and 2004 for a few weeks.

i have a final appointment on the 16th and will be mailing my odsp on the 16th or 17th, for analysis some time around the beginning of july. i will either be granted a few more years or have three months to get a reaction. i've already decided to appeal, which will probably give me a few more months. but if i have to do that, i will have to drop the website idea and get back to production, because i will be in a race against time at that point. i've already decided that i don't have a future post-odsp. i haven't decided on an exact path, which will probably depend on the nature of the denial, if it happens.

i'm thinking about hitting three shows this month for sure and a few more are maybes, but a lot of it is going to depend on how focused i am on what i'm doing. i could very well not want to go to any at all, depending on factors like the weather, my disposition and whether i think i can get through it without buying smokes. i've previously prioritized the show and said "i'll quit the next day". i'm reversing that priority. if i'm convinced i'm going to crack, i'm going to stay in.

so, this is an important few months for me coming up. by the end of june, i should get through a lot of loose ends and have an entire period of my music career behind me, and i should have a better understanding of how likely it is that i'm going to be able to plan around disability.

my sleeping schedule cycled back around. i couldn't imagine going back to a regular schedule. the last time i tried that (2006/2007), i ended up scheduling myself on 48 hour days - i'd wake up, go to work, go home, stay up all night, go to work, sleep. i did that for months. it was the only way i could get anything besides work done.

nowadays, i tend to live about 25-30 hour days, which means the time of day that i'm awake staggers forwards by a few hours every day. last week, i was doing overnights. this week, it looks like i'll be up during the day. next week i'll probably be waking up some time around noon. and the week after that, i'll be waking up when the sun comes down.

i need to mail a package when the post office opens, and make a few calls at a pay phone on the way back. but, i'll be back to work around ten.

i had put a number of ideas aside for future comps - i need to systematically approach this now, not later. at the least, the comp ideas are finalized, so i can approach this that way. i'll be mildly updating a number of releases after inri024 over the next day or two, until i get back to inri050.

some of the comp mixes have no real option but to be exclusive - they don't make sense on a single, or the single is pushing 80 minutes of mixes already (yeah, i know....but it's what happened...) or the addition is too minor to really justify the addition. but this needs to be comprehensive, because when i push forwards to the post-trip material, i have no intention of moving backwards.

i'm not going to get anything done today, but ive got a few hours while i'm waiting for a doctor's appointment, and i'm scolding myself for being lazy on the ambient works - i should have created a new mix for "fuck boxes", and knew i should have, in fact i almost did, but i didn't want to open the single or set up the files so i said "this is good enough"...

but it isn't. i mean, half the mix fits the right description, but there's nothing ambient about punk drumming and zeppelin riffs. i'm going to have fix that by taking some parts out, and also create a guitar mix for the atmospheres disc. there's really only one organ part, and no synths, so it's largely a guitar collage.

there's really no excuse for that on my behalf. the point of this is a comprehensive, final, complete revision. i will fix that error, take a closer examination at what's there one more time and promise not to cut corners in the future.

i've pretty much settled on combining the techy guitar tracks together into a "tetris", and waiting until the end of period 4 to release it as a 2xcd. i'm mostly done the sound collage - just a few more tracks. but it's going to be split into tracks for a normal cd release, and it's a little short of the 80 minute target. the guitar atmospherics disc is also seeming like it's coming up a little short, so this may actually get moved to a period 3 comp. i'm just a little hesitant that it may end up creating the problem of requiring two more discs - and i wouldn't really want to release a 4xcd of this nature, or release it in two doubles. tetris is something i've been wanting to do for years, and it works as a 2xcd. but a 2xcd of guitar snippets is overkill, and a 2xcd of guitar atmospheres is likewise pointless; this is only interesting when bundled together as an a/b side type thing.

i have a pile of real world things i need to do tomorrow and probably tuesday, and was hoping i could get this done first. i can't put it off, so if it's not done by the time i sleep, it's going to be until at least mid week before it is.

i've also decided that i need to prioritize getting over the final "not smoking" hump. i've been in this transitory state with this for...years...where i'll quit for a month, go back for a month, cut down, quit, pick up...

a lot of it has to do with focusing. nicotine increases alertness. that's well understood.

i'm convinced the swallowing issues i'm having are not exactly from smoking, but are probably the beginning symptoms of ms. but, if you have ms, the worst thing you can do is smoke.

so, i'm going to the doctor tomorrow or the next day to get the ball rolling on that. i've done enough experiments with not smoking, not drinking coffee, increasing water, etc to conclude it's the rational next step.

ironically, it will also help my financial situation if i can get diagnosed with it. that's permanent. capitalism: that system where you hope you get auto-immune disorders as a path to economic freedom.

there's two ways i can get over that week hump: (1) get sick and (2) focus on reading/writing. just about anything else requires that focus.

so, the next thing i'm going to do - before i start the lost symphony - is to migrate all of this into a new website.

i've been trying to get off facebook for quite some time. it's going to take a while to get off of it. but, it's what i need to do next.

this isn't just going to go quiet, it's going to more or less disappear. i'm going to need a more open journal interface to embed in my appspot site. facebook is just awful in every way. livejournal, maybe. tumblr. even blogspot. i'll have to see what works best. or i may even just hardcode it...

this will be reduced to a sort of cv, that uses the timeline in a minimal manner. you'll be able to scroll through and see major releases. but, i won't be posting here much longer.

yeah. i'm feeling very introverted right now, and focused on the tunes. i think i'm staying in tonight.

that took way longer to write than i expected, but it was an eventual necessity. i'm falling over, but i should hit the stretch with this tomorrow.

yesterday was weird. i meant to put aside a few hours to fill in track details at bandcamp, and ended up sidetracked at youtube. i got about halfway done the intended purpose and then crashed. that needs to be the focus, today. it's hopefully done by lunch time.

i think i've worked out a plan to overnight in pontiac. there's an all night mcdonalds a short walk south down woodward. there's also an all night diner in the area, but it's only open weekends. this is 120 stops up woodward - an almost two hour bus ride. it would be hours and hours walking back. i think i'm going to go. should be a nice tour into the rotting suburbs of michigan, at least. once i do it the first time, it won't be scary any more.

if the show runs close to two, i could conceivably only have to wait two hours....

crashed early yesterday and slept for over ten hours. at least i'm completely alert, now...

i'm playing with different mix combinations. i've already ruled out an orchestra mix, and i'm both nearing completion and rejection of a "chamber mix", although it's a bit too big of a string section for that. i'm just not convinced this is worthwhile. i'll be deciding soon.

i'm also thinking about an all guitar mix, and may do it live if it sounds good digitally. that's on top of the literal vst mix and an ambient/synth mix.

so, it's going to be between 3 and 5 mixes - and will hopefully be done today.

melt banana is thursday, and i'd like to go, but i'm concerned about the weather overnight and not having anywhere to stay in pontiac. i'll need to look at a number of things. but it's 50/50 right now.

weird day. i was up early, got out to get groceries, took a shower, made some eggs, watched a documentary on the punic wars and...shit, its 6:00....

i'm back to work now. something or other will get done before i sleep. but the day's over before it started, dammit....

it's going to be nice this weekend, which you'd think might get me out. but, rather, i need to stay home and make sure the windows stay open. the fellow above me carries roughly thrice the weight of the average individual and will turn the basement into a meat locker should he be allowed to, in order that the temperature upstairs stay below 20. that's what happens when you're grossly obese.

it's summer. you want the temperature above 20. so, fuck that guy. maybe he should move to baffin island. or hit a treadmill. i learned last year that i need to get out in front of this if i don't want to be shivering in june - i've had the heat cranked the last two days, and will have the windows wide open so long as it's over 20 (and cranked over night, when it's below 20). that may actually take the temperature in here down a degree or two until the humidity picks up, but the key is to break the seal on the air conditioner upstairs. he's either going to freeze me out or i'm going to fry him out. i need the space in the short term, but i might not in the long term. i can handle everything else about this place in exchange for cheap rent, but i hate the idea of being cold all summer.

i mean, he can't win. not unless we skip summer this year. 35 degree humidity pouring in from the basement 12 hours a day will break his air. too bad. so sad....

what i'm missing is the "blowout" in detroit, but i'd argue i'm not missing much. this magazine is focusing on an aspect of detroit that is too mainstream for my tastes. as for touring bands, i'll check out perfect pussy at some point - although i'm more excited about white lung next month. tonight, they're playing in a mall. it's going to feel awkward and sound terrible. i'll hold out for a small bar with a lower ceiling. if it were a different band, i might feel different about the venue, but this is a bad combo. tomorrow is fucked up, but i've seen them enough to know they do short sets, which is going to end the show at 11:40 and get me stuck in ferndale until 7:00 again. not excited about that for a $20 entry fee. i'll wait until they play somewhere i can walk back to the tunnel with...and they will....

the likely next show is may 6th, but i'm iffy about it. it seems like an early show. we'll see where my head is.

the only feasible way for this guy to exist in the temperature he wants is to not live above anybody. nobody is going to want to live in a 15 degree basement over the summer so the obese guy in the upstairs apartment doesn't break a sweat. he could/should have moved into the empty unit on the other side over the winter - there's nobody under him, there. i hinted at it, but he didn't listen. *shrug*.