and, as it is, i lost a week looking for hormones that should really be available over the counter to try and fight off a hormonal imbalance that should have been corrected eons ago. ugh.
so, what's happened since tuesday morning?
as mentioned, i went to an appointment on tuesday. my vitals are great, but my testosterone is...it's not as wonderfully low as it was previously, and it's been creeping up, which i need to put a stop to, immediately. the doctor suggested i move to spiro and i tentatively agreed without really looking into it. i also picked up some generic estrogen on the way home, after realizing how hard it's going to be to get the brand name product, which i later learned is on back-order for the foreseeable future.
i also picked up some red peppers when i was out, as i mentioned i would, to try to get the A up. but, it otherwise wasn't a very exciting day.
i was hoping to get a start on the court stuff overnight, but i got lost in researching the different anti-androgens, instead, and ended up sending a lengthy fax to my doctor, requesting we go back to cyproterone and boost the dose to try to stop the testosterone from creeping up further and potentially detransitioning me (which would be a deep existential crisis that probably would make me suicidal). in the afternoon, i ended up calling every store in town and finding 30 estrace pills at the furthest possible store.
how far? this far:
it actually wasn't that long a ride, and i found myself disappointed by the fact that i didn't even break a sweat. i'm not exaggerating - my brow was bone dry, after biking in the heat for an hour in either direction. a big part of the problem was that there was a cool breeze running the whole way. so, i was hoping for a nice sweaty ride in 40 degree humidity - exercising in sauna-like conditions - and instead ended up in a situation that was more like biking in an air conditioned room, which is pointless. in fact, it was sort of depressing. i didn't start to feel the heat until late in the afternoon, when it went over 30, but by then i was about to come in....
the doctor did reverse the prescription for me, but he didn't immediately boost the dosage. so, i picked up a refill for thirty days that is only going to last me 15, and i asked the pharmacy to fax the doctor, asking him if he got the dosage right.
i was at least tired when i got in, but, if anything, it seemed like i'd gained a few points from the mountain dew i was drinking as a pick-me-up. and i'm sort of distraught about it, as i may hardly get any exercise at all this summer, if they don't let me out to do stuff. i don't want to go out and ride my bike around in circles like a fucking retard to get my heart rate up; i'd feel like i'm wasting my time. and, i'm not interested in protest politics that aren't fundamentally about class, which seems to be out of fashion right now (i'll wait.). but, if i can get out to go to concerts and stuff, i can get a lot of exercise just by using my bike as a means of transportation. that's what i've been relying on for years. yesterday was my chance to sweat it out, and i feel it was wasted by the cool weather.
i mean, i could have picked up the pace, and that would have potentially got me sweating a little, but at the expense of building muscle. i'm interested in cardio; i'm not interested in weight gain. so, i don't want to do exercises designed to build muscle, which is what biking hard in a cool wind is. that's actually why i've been avoiding the bike all year - it's been too cold, and biking in the cold leads to weight gain, not weight loss.
*shrug*
i slept until early in the morning, and i've been kind of doing loose ends kinds of things since - putting away fruit, doing dishes, eating, cleaning up the blog, etc.
i got the replacement noise trade site up last night when i got out of the shower, and before i crashed. still no word back from them. and, it's still up. for now. i dunno....i really want them to write me some kind of essay, so i understand.
what's next?
well, i wanted to get a handle on the court stuff this week, but i guess that's done, now. it looks more like that's going to be a weekend thing. and, i should probably give paste another few days to respond before i give up on them and set up shop elsewhere.
as of right now, i should be in for another 15-20 days, until i need to get out to find more estrogen. so, let's hope i can get these things done with in that space, and get a good start on the last batch of liner notes to close the first reconstruction phase.