as is clear from the video, i tried to hitch from the mcdonalds at college & huron church starting around 3:00 am and quickly realized that it wasn't going to be as easy as i thought it was going to be. i generally get picked up very quickly, so i was surprised by this, but there are reasons for it. it's dark in the video, but there was construction at the intersection, and it would have been very difficult to stop there as a result of it (as the highway is reduced from four to two lanes). that said, i did get three stops, here - but they were all travelling locally. after a while, i started realizing that many of the truckers were uncomfortable with somebody hitching from the middle of the city like this, and that my chances would be better a little further out of town, where a truck could actually stop. i also noticed that the sun was starting to come up and that my time window to actually get to toronto in time for the surgery was becoming limited, as the traffic through this intersection was set to increase, making it even harder to stop in the reduced lanes.
so, i walked all the way up huron church to what seemed like the on ramp to the actual 401, a stretch of highway that seems to have been redone since the last time that the google maps bots were in the region, and tried to catch somebody getting directly on the 401 from there. i was not there long, and got two stops, but the first wanted to take me to leamington (where local workers pick fruit) and the second seemed to think i was a prostitute. the highway has since been redone, so you can't see the tunnel that opens up at that space now, but i was actually unable to open the (obviously stoned) guy's door when he stopped because the space between the shoulder and the tunnel wall opening was too narrow, which made it clear enough that i wasn't getting anywhere, there. so, i had to make a choice - did i want to follow the on ramp down, hoping it opened up, or try to circle around? i decided on the latter, which was the right choice.
so, i crossed the road (past a meowing cat that i feared was a baby cougar, and note that cougars do meow...) and took a path along the highway to grand marais, before recalibrating and realizing i couldn't cross down to cabana on that side and would have to go around. as such, i decided to just walk directly to the dougall parkway and try from there...
google won't let me walk up the dougall parkway, although it's exactly what i did, so i have to redraw the route from here using a car (which i obviously wasn't in, yet):
i got my first pickup walking up the dougall parkway as the sun was beginning to shine brightly - the first of three heavy smokers that stopped, but i can't complain when i'm hitching, can i? he dropped me somewhere that he thought was a truck stop but was actually a truck inspection stop and that i'm glad i didn't go into, as i would have gotten arrested. i just looked over, saw it was empty, and kept going, as i was late.
in fact, i only stopped for a second before smoker #2 picked me up, and this was an odd individual. he introduced himself as jesus and explained that he was going the other way and turned around to get me because he felt i was in trouble. he lived through a civil war, you see (somewhere in the middle east, i might guess - lebanon?) and felt he had a good sense of when somebody was in particular need. he then pulled out five one hundred dollar bills and handed them to me, which certainly caught me off guard to say the least.
if i were to be a little cynical, i might conclude that he thought i was a prostitute and gave me the cash he was planning on paying out, without asking me to perform. but, i have no real basis for that. he introduced himself as a jesus freak looking to help, and i should take him at face value.
but, i decided not to prod, because as lucky as i was to have an extra $500 in my pocket, i realized i was actually in a very vulnerable position. that kind of generosity rarely comes without strings.
but, he dropped me at the travel j in tilbury and didn't ask me for a thing.
there's obviously some questions that arise when somebody picks you up hitchiking and introduces themselves as god incarnate, then hands you a fair amount of cash. if you've read this blog at all, you know i'm an atheist. i was once picked up by a cult leader in bc, which is probably closer to the reality of the situation. but, if the son of man saw it fit to give me a few dollars, what i'll say about that is that his hindsight was divine - it would turn out that i needed the cash, in the end. one way or another, i needed this to get home, in the end.
so, call it divine intervention, or call it good luck, but let us stop for a minute to give thanks to jesus, whatever that means to you; to me, it means i'm thanking a dude that helped me out in a way he may not have fully understood. i certainly didn't understand it. i had a ticket to get home with in my pocket, and every intent to catch the bus back. alas...
a truck stop was what i wanted; i was hoping to catch a truck heading to toronto, but, after asking around, it became clear that this particular stop was full of people going to the united states. foiled. so, i went up to the highway and gave it a run, then went back up to escape the rain. and, it did in fact rain, but then i headed back out to the road, feeling like i was running out of time...
at the very last minute, somebody going to toronto picked me up in a rather swank brand new mercedes. this was smoker #3, who was a small business owner heading to toronto to meet a client. as it would happen to be, he was also a race car driver in his spare time. so, this was a smooth and rather quick ride. that's some even steven for you - i'm late, and i catch a race car driver that gets me all the way there in a jiffy. his self-interest was that he got to take the car pool lane when he picked me up, which let him zoom through the traffic in mississauga. he got me to toronto by a few minutes after 1:00 (and in about half the time listed in the following picture).
i was not initially sure where i was, so i had to orient myself by the lake; i knew i had to walk away from the lake, and i knew i had to take a right to move in the direction of yonge st. i was planning on walking to the hospital, but i was late, so i walked up spadina, past the cn tower, turned on to front and hailed a cab - and then that $500 found it's first use.
it was an airport cab driver that picked me up, somebody that first immigrated to windsor, before moving to toronto. he liked toronto better, and i don't blame him for it. but, he insisted that the hospital i was going to was the york street hospital and not the michael garron hospital - only to be baffled when we got there that i actually got the name of the place right. it was only a $30 ride, but i only had about $100 in the bank, so that first $100 bill came out here, and i was happy to slap it down on his surprised face - because i sure didn't look like i had a $100 bill in my pocket.
so, i got to the hospital around 13:30 and learned that i was scheduled to go in at 10:45. oops. i knew from what the secretary told me that he's done at 15:00, so i just had to get in on time. and, had they got me in right away, there wouldn't be a second part of the story. but, the nurse in the er had previously clocked me in, which created a computer system error at admitting, and i had to wait over an hour in admitting before i could get up there. that would turn out to be decisive, in the end.
i finally made it up there a few minutes before three, got my clothes off and got sent into the er, where they stuck an iv in my hand and counted me down...
i actually got paranoid at the moment. what was going through my mind was the fuckers have got me, and they'll file it as a covid death, how could i be so dumb as to walk into it, but i was out before i could escape...
...and i woke up without testicles.
they offered me morphine, and i had to very firmly reject it in favour of acetaminophen. i was pretty clear headed when i woke up, and remember taking the two white tylenol pills by chewing them, and following it with water.
you might imagine i'd be in excruciating pain, but i couldn't feel anything at all, a fact that i found surprising but that hasn't altered itself. i was sure that the drugs would wear off and i'd be left immobile, but it just never happened. i initially rejected my popsicle, but relented in due course.
you might imagine i'd be in excruciating pain, but i couldn't feel anything at all, a fact that i found surprising but that hasn't altered itself. i was sure that the drugs would wear off and i'd be left immobile, but it just never happened. i initially rejected my popsicle, but relented in due course.
i then looked up at the clock and realized it was 16:30. fuck.
nurse!, i cried, you have to call my ride! my bus is at 17:00!
it was point blank: not happening. uch-o...
my ride showed up at 17:30, and what exactly was i to do? i wasn't able to stay at the hospital, due to covid regulations. so, i took the lift to union, hoping to find a way out. what else could i do?
i realized i probably missed the bus, but could i take a train? via? go? anything? nope - last bus out of town was at 17:00, last train at 17:30. fucked.
insistent on getting out of toronto before dark, i caught the go bus to cambridge, which seemed to be the furthest trip that could be taken. i was hoping to catch a ride to london, and seeing if i could hitch from there, but i was really just trying to flee toronto as fast i could and figure it out from there. $20, from downtown toronto to the edge of town, and i was just happy to get out.
so, i'm in cambridge at 22:30. now, what? right?
well, i needed some meat. i don't eat much meat, but i needed the iron and the fat, out of surgery, and i knew it. they dropped me off at a walmart, so i got a bacon cheeseburger at the mcdonalds. that's another $10 out of my pocket.
now, i needed to find a tim horton's for wifi, and this is a persistent problem that first appears here - i found a tim horton's, but it was closed. what? at 19:00, even. i found this very disorienting, but it seems to be a new reality - tim hortons across the board seem to close early, nowadays.
this was too much walking as it was, but what next? i asked around, and everything was closed. but, i'm face to face with a super 8 and i have $400 in my pocket, so maybe i can stay the night and get on the wifi there? nope - they need a credit card. fuck. i didn't realize that there were more expensive hotels up the street.
they at least agreed to let me use the wifi if i can find an outlet, so i'm stumbling around the block looking for one and finally find one at the petro across the street, which is only live because it's plugged into an ice machine. but, there's a trick - look for the outlets with the ice machines at the gas station.
the wifi at the tim horton's didn't work, and the super 8 said i was too far. but, thankfully, i was able to get into the wifi at the closed home depot in the mall behind me, which was enough to get the point across - the only bus comes through cambridge the next night. so, i can wait 18 hours for it (without a hotel room) or i could try to hitch out of town.
so, i called a cab to get me to the nearest truck stop, which was another flying j.
that's another $50, which was more than i intended, but i had to get somewhere other than where i was, given that i couldn't walk. i was a sitting duck in cambridge; there was simply nowhere to go. if i could get a quick ride out from the truck stop, i could be home before the sun came up. unfortunately, though, the truck stop was dead. fuck.
the logic asserted itself pretty clearly - as i could not walk, i had no choice but to sit there and wait until the traffic picked up in the morning. it actually wouldn't make sense to move at all until the next afternoon, as the bus to cambridge didn't come until the following evening. in the worst case, i'd have to cab back to cambridge to catch the bus, but i wouldn't have to make that choice until the following afternoon, and surely i'd find something going to windsor well before then.
so, i sat and waited. and waited. i bought a lot of coffee, took some extra strength tylenol, chatted with some locals and waited for somebody to pick me up and drive me out.
right when the sun started coming up, that is right when my chances started to improve, the travel j called me in to have me escorted off the property. see, and this is frustrating to me because i explained to them why i was there. but, they seemed to think i was soliciting funds, which was false.
when the cops showed up, i explained to them that i missed the bus out of surgery and did not have another option to get home until the following evening besides hitching, nor could i walk off the property, nor was i about to try to hitch off the 401 in the dark with mobility issues, so they would have to arrest me if the travel j wanted me off the property, which was an unreasonable request. i'm sure i could have caught something within minutes once the sun cane up. the cops did not initially accept any of these claims, and rather tried to coerce me into getting up and walking, which was met with point blank resistance. i would have gladly caught a transit option out of town, but none existed, and the situation before us was the consequence of a lack of transit options: i really had no way out besides hitching, and there was really nowhere for the cops to drop me off, not even a bus station. after some back and forth, one of the cops suggested dropping me off at a hospital, as i could at least wait there for a few hours until the bus came. so, they actually drove me into cambridge and dropped me off at the hospital and then threatened to throw me in jail if they saw me hitching again, thereby adding an extra day to the journey home.
assholes.
there would of course be no basis for such an arrest - it would be police harassment. but, once i found myself at the hospital in cambridge, it no longer mattered - the logic flipped over,, and it was then easier to take the bus home.
dropping me off at the hospital was really just an excuse to sleep somewhere - something that should not have been denied to me in toronto - so i was able to get a few hours of sleep at the emergency room before getting released around noon. i then had roughly seven hours to find a bus ticket, find a way to print it, get to the bus stop and get on the bus.
first, i had to get into kitchener, so i took the bus in to the sportsworld plaza, which is where the bus to windsor leaves from.
i then caught the bus to the library to buy the ticket and print it:
i stopped to buy some toothpaste & a toothbrush at the layover, because it had been too long....
i didn't get much of a tour of the downtown kitchener public library, but i did happen to notice that they had a gibson acoustic signed by jim cuddy in the library, which is a piece of canadiana that you don't see every day. free printing, too - hey. score. so, i was in and out pretty quick, and i'll thank the library for the experience. they probably had no idea.
i brushed my teeth on the side of weber (incorrectly pronounced weeber by the locals) and caught the 8 back to the mall, then the 206 back to the sportsworld complex:
at this point, it was around 16:00. the bus was coming at 18:50. so, i got a chicken caesar pita (no caesar) at the pita pit, got an extra large coffee at the timmy's and waited it out....
the bus finally arrived at 18:50, and i was fast asleep within seconds, although i do definitely remember stopping in london and watching the entire bus get off to take a smoke, and then having to deal with the consequence of twenty smokers walking back in to the bus, many of them with nicotine-soaked masks on top of everything else. i had a sweater to hide in, thankfully...
but, then i was home.
finally.
there is a federal election right now in canada, and let me just state the obvious - once a day service in off hours is not sufficient for the 401 corridor. i understand that ridership is low, but the same can be said of most city buses, and they run at a loss because it's a public service. this is a market failure, and that's all you're going to get out of it if you leave it up the market. so, i'm going to call on the federal parties to propose a properly integrated public transit network that ensures that this doesn't happen to anybody else.